Hello everyone! Love is in the air! Lol! I am wishing you my readers a special valentine’s greetings! Hope you find my last post helpful? I really hope you did. We just have to make sure we think twice before breaking off that relationship especially if the relationship in question is a MARRIAGE! And also pray that God will guide our decision. Please, lets give it our best shot!
Today, being valentine’s day, we are zeroing in on wrong sexual habits and liaisons specifically in the lives of our men. We want to examine why our men cheat and fall into adultery. And I am sure today is one of those days this act of ‘treason’ will be perpetuated more than any other day. Before being labelled as a feminist, I am absolutely conscious of the fact that it is not only men that cheat. Women do too! So this is not a case of ‘trading blames’. We just want to learn how to avoid ‘cheating’ in our own relationships. We are going to be looking at 5 reasons men cheat. If you are a woman like me, it would do you a world of good to pay close attention.
My mentor once made a profound statement. It made so much impact on me that it has become quite a mantra of mine. He said that a candle loses nothing by lighting another! Which means your environment can only get brighter with more lighted candles! So friends, whenever and wherever you noticed me referring to another site via this media, its just my own way of lighting other candles! It takes nothing away from mine! Lol! My post today is culled from a tweet cast by @solaadio where he talked about SoulTies and how to break them. I will encourage us to visit his site www.BreakingSoulTies.com. I assure you, its a visit you won’t forget in a long while. So lets go!
Many years ago in Nigeria, I needed a lift from work. I worked with KPMG then. I got lumbered with 4 married guys in the car. I knew all of them but we were never close. I knew one of them to be a Christian who attended a monthly revival meeting of a large Nigerian denomination. One unwritten code we have as men is that we don’t snitch. So these guys had no problem starting this conversation in the car. One of them had just been married recently and a conversation started when his mates asked when he was coming out to ‘town’. He told them that he was coming out to ‘town’ soon. Then his mates started marketing their escapades outside marriage to him. The Christian guy was one of the marketers. This conversation had gone on for like 15mins and I became very curious. I definitely had to join this conversation as we had at least one more hour of travel. I too had just been married.
So I decided to pop this question when there was a pause in the conversation. “Guys, if you are now married to a wife, why don’t you do all these crazy stuff with her alone and be free of guilt and STD?” You will find their answers ridiculous but ignorance of the facts in their answers can sink a marriage. One of them said “we do rough sex only with outside girls, wives are to treated with respect, not roughly”. Let’s break this answer down.
Firstly, this suggests a dual life of decent sex at home & rough sex outside. None of them disclosed their dual operations to their wives but implicitly assumed that their wives shouldn’t be a part of it. Secondly, it also suggests that girls out there who hang out with married men are only being used as tools of sexual gratification. If you are a girl doing a married man, this is what he thinks of you – You are only good enough for rough sex! No more. Thirdly, that one’s wife was unable to provide these colourful experiences provided by a wide range of women out there.
From that one answer, there was absolutely no way their wives could compete on that turf with the outside girls. There is something very appealing about a woman that is untouched by no-one else, so they will pretend in until they marry her. Let me go slightly more explicit here. Over the last few years, some new bedroom styles have been floating around. Honestly, these can be very uncomfortable for those who were never sexually active before marriage. A challenge here. This provides the wrong inner justification for these men with unbridled appetites to carry on with their atrocities.
Reason 1: Consequently, addiction to assorted past sexual experiences is number one reason why men cheat. The 2nd answer from these guys was that there was a thrill in slipping out to be with these other women that’s addictive. We can decode that with scriptures from Pro 20:17 ‘Bread of deceit is sweet to a man;but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel.’ Proverbs 9:17 ‘Stolen waters are sweet,and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.’ And Proverbs 9:18 also says, ‘But he knoweth not that the dead are there;and that her guests are in the depths of hell’.
Reason : 2 Another reason why men cheat is the access to or desire to be romantically back with their ex-girlfriends aka old flames. Please note that both non-church men and church men with SoulTies are affected by this. You’ll be shocked! A woman married to a clergyman kept being buffeted by her ex-boyfriend who was having a problem in his marriage. She had to scream for help through a Christian talk show cos she couldn’t talk about it in church. Their meeting point was Facebook.
A word of caution for our Single ladies though, when a man has problems with his marriage and you give him your shoulder to cry on, it won’t stop there till oops! Single sisters, you are not marriage counsellors. If he has problems, let him go see the trained counsellors. This reason is so subtle and deceptive cos it never starts as an affair. It starts as just long telephone gists. These telephone gists can only occur when the wife and kids are all gone to bed, mind you. Next, his phone travels around in his pocket. Next, he password his phone and not even his wife and kids can open it cos the phone is very ‘hot’. Next, the gists can no longer convey the intensity of the bond so physical contact is arranged and oops he is in ‘it’ before he even realises what is happening!
Problems at home often open the door for this kind of liaisons. A brash lady used to annoy her husband to no end. There were lots of fights. Next, she started complaining that her husband uses the loo every night for over an hour, talking to a strange woman. Note this, issues in marriage should be addressed, confronted and resolved or else leaks like these happen that opens the door to let the enemy in.
Reason 3 : Another reason men cheat is food! Yes, food! You won’t believe it. Africans say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Haven’t you noticed in Nollywood films that mistresses and concubines out there are great cooks? Lol! Woman, be humble enough to learn how he wants his food cos that may be your lifeline in 5 years time. When I was a young boy, I saw women lose their husband’s attention to better cooks out there. The woman out there is not cooking for charity o! She’s doing it to get your man’s attention! If your husband is a man given to food, you have a challenge cos he would be spotted by better cooks out there for enticement. So make sure you are not lacking in this department. I’ve spotted 3 reasons why men cheat tonight. Sex, Emotional ties with past lovers and food. Sex being the most powerful one. Married men have been known to have gone in to their house maids, secretaries, sisters in law etc.
To be continued!
Dear readers, may God help us! In this post, I have tried as much as possible to make sure you have almost the same content as the original material without the interruptions peculiar to tweets. For the original tweets, you can check out Sola Adio’s twitter handle @solaadio
And singles, a word is enough for the wise! We know you meant well…but its not advisable to be so close to a married man to the extend he starts confiding in you in relation to his home. You don’t know the nitty gritty of their internal issues apart from his gist with you. You just might be setting yourself up for a rude shock. I really appreciate this astute perspective from a man. Sola Adio, kudos to you! Thank you!
Till my next post where I conclude this topic…lets be wise and hold true to our relationships!
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