WiseLadies I will like to share someone’s testimony with us. She will like to remain anonymous but she trust us enough to confide in us. She believes someone will regain her sanity and her home restored by virtue of this testimony. Pls read prayerfully and allow God to replicate this testimony in your life and home as well. It’s a long read so be prepared ???? #ReadRestRelaxAndReflect
I got born again at a tender age and my relationship with God was of utmost importance to me. As I approached marriageable age I started reading and going for seminars on marriage. I really wanted a good marriage and desired all the knowledge that could make me successful. I didn’t want to make the mistakes my parents made and I also wanted to learn from adults you were ahead of me. I was open to advice from friends, senior friends and everyone who was a good model.
Finally I got married as a virgin and was grateful to God I was marrying someone who had a vision to be useful to God in the area of my passion. Although he was not a virgin he’d given his life to Christ and was committed to living for Him. He was sexually abused as a child and after then became sexually active. After a while he started to masturbate but by God’s help he overcame all that before we got married.
After marriage, sex didn’t come easy for me but as soon as I took in it was easier. After the first child it became worse again because I was having post coital bleeding (bleeding after sex) after which it became daily bleeding. Diagnosis then was endometrial polyp which was removed and taken for histology. Results came out fine and coast was clear again but work, taking care of my child, the home, etc all at once was a lot of work for me.
In no time I discovered my husband and I were drifting apart. He felt I was not being accommodating of his sexual demands and I also felt he wasn’t considerate. I noticed he started staying out late but I wasn’t bothered; my hands were full anyway. Not long again I took in and this time I had an emergency CS and wounds took time to heal. For me that was a good reason for my husband to understand but I was wrong.
A few months after my second child I discovered some chats that I felt were implicating. I discussed them with him but he denied it all. I began to see pictures of nude women all around and also noticed he was masturbating. After that we were to have our 5th wedding anniversary and I was very much interested in a getaway so we could reunite but he just wasn’t interested. Everything was going wrong with our relationship and I was fed up because we were just cohabitants.
I eventually concluded to just leave him and stay alone to clear my head for a while. As I planned to initiate this process I spoke to a friend, my former house fellowship leader turned sister and friend, to help with the children for some days. She, however, didn’t agree with me, rather she consoled me, prayed with me and told me God will give me grace to handle it all. I can’t remember how she put it to us but we started post marital counselling. It wasn’t so easy because of the children and the fact that I didn’t have a nanny so we dropped off after a while.
We continued to live like strangers under the same roof for many months. One day I was really fed up and met our counsellor and broke down in tears. I felt he was not sympathetic because all he said was “Your husband is only a man. If you are stronger, stand in the gap and ensure you both are strong”. I felt that wasn’t nice. I wept a lot but there and then made up my mind that I’ll stay close to God and forget all else.
I got “Power of a Praying Wife” and told myself all I will dedicate my time to was building myself up. The thought of everything not working was driving me crazy and I wasn’t ready to die young being worried about a marriage that wasn’t working. The more I read the book and prayed the more I felt the urge to ensure my walk with God was more solid. I continued with this and forgot all about whether my marriage was good or not; I just took a day at a time loving and submiting like I should.
Indeed God works in marvellous ways, as He was working on me, He was working on hubby. One of those days my husband just asked that we watch a film together but I wasn’t interested and he left me. A day after, Saturday before Easter to be precise, I just couldn’t sleep. I prayed and prayed, read my Bible and still sleep wasn’t coming. I didn’t have a smart phone then so out of boredom I picked his phone and was reading jokes on twitter. After a while I went to his e-mails and was just reading them. Lo and behold I saw an e-mail which he exchanged with a long time female friend. From the trail I discovered he had confided in her about an issue and she had advised him to open up to me after watching a film. It all then make sense to me; so that was why he wanted us to watch a film. But the question then was “what could have happened?”
By this time it was 2am on Easter morning. I then woke him up and asked him what he wanted to tell me using the e-mail as a point of reference. He begged and asked that we discuss later but I told him I couldn’t sleep. He then went on to inform me of how he’d been having an affair. He usually would take the lady to a hotel and after a while she took in. He had to schedule her for an abortion and ensure she was fine. After that whole process he felt he needed to retrace his steps and that’s why he wanted to talk to me but he didn’t know how I was going to take it.
I was disappointed, sad, unhappy, angry, felt betrayed and everything you can think of not good. I couldn’t believe I was home and all that was happening. I told him to give me time to think it through and I left our room. I cried and cried and asked God for help. As I did I asked him for what to do and He said “Forgive him”. For a while I couldn’t believe what I heard. I was like “God he disobeyed you. He betrayed our trust. He……….”. God then said to me “I forgave and have forgiven you of any wrong you’ll ever commit. How else can you show my love to others if you can’t forgive those you wrong you? Just like you remember the work of redemption in this season I want you to forgive and hand the process over to me.” Immediately I handed it over to God and went inside my room to say to my husband that I’d forgiven him. I hugged him and advised that he goes for HIV and hepatitis test so I can be free with him. He said he’d done them and we tried to catch an hour of sleep before service. For months he kept asking for forgiveness because he couldn’t believe that I didn’t use it against him or act like it.
It wasn’t that I was not hurt or pained; it was just that God helped me to overcome it all. He healed my wound and gave us a new beginning. Sex didn’t become immediately good again because sometimes flashes of what I knew came in pictures and I’d become frigid but I continually asked for help to be the kind of wife God wanted me to be. We aren’t perfect yet but we aren’t where we used to be. Now our marriage is better and it’s because I allowed God work in and through me just the same way the lady in “War Room” did. I know sometimes women ask, “Does it have to be me making sure things work?” and I say, “Why not you?”. We have a mandate to work with God to bring His kingdom to bear here on earth and it will start with our marriages and homes before we can take it all over the world. Remember Jerusalem first before Judea and the utter most parts of the world.
It’s my prayer that this testimony will encourage you that God loves you and wants to partner with you to make your marriage the best it can ever be. Are you ready to partner with Him? If yes, let Him in and you’ll have a testimony soonest.
God bless you all!
NB: This testimony was sent in by a member after our last session on #ThisThingCalledMarriageNG ~ FIGHTING FAIR (based on the movie WAR ROOM)
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