Hello friends! It’s another Friday!Thank you for being a part of #ListenUpNG in February. It was awesome! And it’s all because of you!

Welcome to the March Edition of #ListenUpNG It’s pleasure and an honour having you today! Sequel to our discussion on adultery last month, we are tweaching on how to heal old wounds in relationships. #ListenUpNG

#ListenUpNG Wounds that still feel so fresh…wounds that are holding us back from being our best and enjoying our present relationships https://t.co/7y5FhU6QX2

#ListenUpNG For the purpose of today’s topic, let’s look at some definitions. Do #ReadRestRelaxAndReflect on this compilation

1. #ListenUpNG Band Aids are adhesive bandages, simply called plaster in British English.

2. It is a small medical dressing used for injuries/wounds not serious enough to require a full-size bandage. #ListenUpNG

3. In this session on #ListenUpNG, we will be discussing how to heal old wounds(probably still hurting) we have probably covered up with band aids.

4. Some wounds and injuries have been given serious ‘dressing’ that outwardly, they look good…even attractive #ListenUpNG

5. However, if these wounds haven’t been properly treated and given some air to breath, they fester rather than heal #ListenUpNG

6. I have come to learn that old wounds that don’t get to be treated aren’t really old; they remain fresh. #ListenUpNG

7. They remain open sores that eat away at the fabric of any relationship without you even knowing it. #ListenUpNG

8. I was reading a post and the writer couldnt have put it in better words. I can infer from her post as relating to wounds…#ListenUpNG

9. We have become so adept at putting on band-aids to cover up failures, to hide battle scars and to mask heartache. #ListenUpNG

10. We’ll put on band-aids in an attempt to disguise hurt, fear or doubt; pretending that all is well when it’s isn’t! #Pretence #ListenUpNG

11. We put on band-aids to try and ease the sting from the rejection we received…#ListenUpNG

12…or to mend the burn we felt when we were forced to watch everything we care about ripped from our grasp. #ListenUpNG

13. We put on band-aids when we slip hard, to lessen the brunt of our falls. We put on band-aids as a means of protection. #ListenUpNG

14. We put on band-aid after band-aid to add barriers between us and everything we are afraid of…#ListenUpNG

15…everything that has hurt us, or has the potential to. We hold on to the saying…”Once bitten, twice shy” #ListenUpNG

16. We put on band-aids to dull the pain. We wear so many layers of band-aids that we don’t even recognize our own flesh and blood anymore. #ListenUpNG

17. We wear so many band-aids that we forget what we look like. We forget who we are deep down at our core.#ListenUpNG

18. But today, i’ve come to encourage you to RIP OFF THOSE BAND AIDS!!! A wound not thoroughly cleaned and treated won’t heal properly! #ListenUpNG

19. Ripping off a band-aid makes you feel uncomfortable; from the very moment you begin to think about ripping it off. #ListenUpNG

20. You have a feeling its going to be painful. And guess what? You are absolutely right! #ListenUpNG

21. Ripping off the band aids is PAINFUL BUT NECESSARY if you desire an healthy relationship. If you desire to move on in life! #ListenUpNG

22. You may not be sure that you want to go through with it. You may even think you can’t. You may still be shying away from doing it #ListenUpNG

23. The more you postpone ripping off the band aids, the more the wound fester and become something bigger #ListenUpNG

24. Ripping off a band-aid will make you feel exposed. But guess what? Your wound needs to air; it needs to breath #ListenUpNG

25. Not ripping off the band aids sometimes mean you’ve resorted to living in denial #ListenUpNG

26. Ripping off the band aids on the other hand forces you to see what you’ve been hiding underneath the surface.#ListenUpNG

27. It forces you to see what you’ve been hiding from everyone’s eyes, including your own. What you have been shying away from #ListenUpNG

28. It’s time to rip off the band-aids.#ListenUpNG

29. Can you just be real with yourself? Just this once? Dare to examine that heartache you’ve become a master at ignoring…#ListenUpNG

30…that heartache you’ve been praying, hoping & wishing will fade away one day. #ListenUpNG

31. The hurt you’re too afraid to let yourself feel all over again. Rip off the band-aid and give it some air. Give it some time. Let it breathe.#ListenUpNG

32. Ripping off a band-aid allows for new growth. It allows for a tougher skin to form.#ListenUpNG

33. How do you stop the hurt? How do you finally let go of the past so you don’t pass away with the past? #ListenUpNG

34. How do you move on in your relationship in a healthy productive way? #ListenUpNG

35. The secret is to forgive and to be forgiven. Simple, it seems? Yeah. But most of us find ourselves stuck here and for so long.#ListenUpNG

36. #ListenUpNG Let’s take a look at an analogy to drive home my point. If you can, pick up a small table tennis ball(egg). #ListenUpNG

37. You can always do this at your leisure. Please note the size/weight of this ball. Negligible, you say? Right! #ListenUpNG

38. Keep holding the ball up. Don’t put it down just yet. What do you think it weighs? Lightweight? #ListenUpNG

39. As you continue to hold the ball, you’ll notice that its real weight doesn’t matter as much as how long you hold it. #ListenUpNG

40. The longer you hold the ball up, the heavier it feels, right? #ListenUpNG

41. You will discover that if you hold the ball for a minute, it’s not a problem. It’s not heavy. #ListenUpNG

42. But if you hold the ball for an hour, your arm will probably start to ache. Eventually the ball will feel like a ton of bricks.#ListenUpNG

43. Please note, the weight of the ball is always the same! But the longer you hold it up, the heavier it becomes.#ListenUpNG

44. Friends, that’s exactly the way it works in relationships…The ‘wounds’ get more grievous & more hurtful the more it’s left untended #ListenUpNG

45. In marriage, things are bound to happen between you and your spouse that will weigh heavy on you and your spouse’s heart. #ListenUpNG

46. Things are bound to happen between you and your friends, colleagues, neighbours, siblings etc #ListenUpNG

47. But the longer you “hold them in,” the longer you hold on to them or continue to hold them up(focusing on them), the heavier the burdens get. #ListenUpNG

48. In the course of several counselling sessions, it’s no longer a surprise to dicover that the root of the problem didn’t start NOW! #

49. Having established this, how do we heal from our relationship wounds and move on in our relationships in a healthy productive way? #ListenUpNG

50. How? I say again, FORGIVENESS. To forgive and to be forgiven! #ListenUpNG

51. The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to step on their toes. #ListenUpNG

52. And being married, the chances are good that you and your spouse have sore feet. Am I right? Of course, I am! I’m married too! Lol.#ListenUpNG

53. The point is that it’s NORMAL for you and your spouse or for you and someone close to you to err . This often cause hurt…sometimes serious hurt.#ListenUpNG

54. Have you been hurt? By your spouse? Parent? Boss? Colleague or a neighbour? Have you made mistakes that hurt your spouse? #ListenUpNG

55. I believe, except in the case of physical abuse, you can “move on” from anything. In fact, relationship can end up even BETTER! #ListenUpNG

56. You’re probably thinking, “Better? How could it be better than what ww had before?” #ListenUpNG

57. I tell you, it CAN be better! I sat this with all boldness. But you have to do one thing first…You have to forgive.#ListenUpNG

58. To forgive is a CHOICE! You can choose to forgive and nreak that cycle of ‘HURTING PEOPLE HURT OTHERS’ #LISTENUPNG

59. What does it REALLY mean to forgive? #ListenUpNG

60. Loads of people often say, “I forgive you,” but continue to harbor anger in their hearts.#ListenUpNG

61. Some people say the words, but it’s obvious from their actions that nothing’s changed.#ListenUpNG

62. Other people will say “I forgive you” but in their heart they meant, “I don’t want to talk about this. I can’t deal with this. I’m keeping my distance.” #ListenUpNG

63. Truely, some aren’t angry but they have shut down their emotions. The have chosen to ‘ignore’ the source of the hurt #ListenUpNG

64. They have chosen to use the band aids to ‘dress’ the wound without cleaning it. They have chosen to cover it up! #ListenUpNG

65. Saying “I forgive you” is an entirely different ball game than truly forgiving.#ListenUpNG

66. Someone once said, “Look carefully at the word ‘forgive.’ It tells you what it means. ‘For-Give’…in other words, to GIVE as you did beFORE.” #ListenUpNG

67. He says, “When you GIVE of yourself like you did beFORE you were hurt, then you know you’ve truly forgiven” #ListenUpNG

68. “When you stand as close to your spouse as you stood the day your feet got stepped on…that’s forgiveness.” #ListenUpNG

69. This is certainly not an easy task. But a possible one. We can forgive each other and move on. #ListenUpNG

70. Forgiveness is not a day’s job. It is a journey. Don’t be discouraged if it seems you aren’t there yet #ListenUpNG

71. All you need is to be sure you have already embarked on that journey. And that you will do all it takes to get to your destination #ListenUpNG

72. Once forgiveness is in place, you will see that your relationship can be better.

73. You’ll get to a point that you will be ‘happy’ that the mistake was made because you would have learnt some life lessons you otherwise wouldn’t have learnt.#ListenUpNG

74. Yea. You may bear the scar of your wounds but the pain and hurt wouldn’t be as fresh as that of an unhealed wound #ListenUpNG

75. Slowly but surely, you find yourself climbing out of the ditch you’ve dug for yourself in that relationship #ListenUpNG

76. You can now move on with your life and forge healthy productive relationships that keep you excited in life #ListenUpNG

77. You have to know how to get to a place of sincere forgiveness. Look within yourself. Call on God to help you! #ListenUpNG

78. Decide today to RIP OFF THE BAND AIDS! No driver makes much progress by staring at his rear view mirror, perpetually #ListenUpNG

79. You are in the driver seat of your life…RIP OFF THE BAND AIDS! #ListenUpNG

See you next week!

About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.