Hello friends! Welcome to today’s session on #ListenUpNG. The 21st Century Parenting is still our focus!
Do you know that, ” Understanding a child’s temperament can help reframe how parents interpret children’s behavior and the way you discipline them” ?

Oh yes! And so, to conclude the SEPTEMBER EDITION on #ListenUpNG, see below the compilation of tweets our guest Gbonjubola Sanni @gbonjute, Founder @LadiesFirstNG and the Director, Eadda Kids did on the topic. It may seem quite lengthy but trust me, it’s time well spent reading it.

1. Good evening all. Thanks to @KemiOdutayo for the opportunity to share on today’s edition of #ListenUpNG and to you too for being here
2. Tola wakes up in the morning and goes straight to his mum & dad to say good morning with a warm hug. Grandma noticed this the #ListenUpNG
3. last time she came visiting & said “Tola is just like my son; such a warm child”. Uche, on the other hand, always wakes up #ListenUpNG 
4. wanting more sleep so most of the time he is cranky. Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever wondered why your child #ListenUpNG 
5. acts the way he/she does?Some children are “easy.”They’re predictable, calm & approach most new experiences in a positive way #ListenUpNG
6. While some others are more difficult, not able to manage their emotional experiences and expression with ease. The ease with #ListenUpNG
7. which a child adjusts to his environment is strongly influenced by his temperament- adaptability & emotional style #ListenUpNG
8. For the most part, temperament is an innate quality of the child, one with which he is born. As parents it does not take #ListenUpNG 
9. long for us to realise that not all children act alike but we rarely know what to do about it. Since we can’t choose our #ListenUpNG
10. personalities & those of our children, we are then left to identify & work with what we are given. The admonition to #ListenUpNG
11.”train up a child in the way he should go” can only be followed when we gain an understanding & respect each child’s #ListenUpNG
12. individuality.To do that today we’ll be looking at the 4 basic personality types that characterise all peoples.Just like we #ListenUpNG
13. have in adults we have 4 basic personalities in children too – SANGUINE, CHOLERIC, MELANCHOLY and PHLEGMATIC #ListenUpNG
14. The popular SANGUINE has a high energy,loves fun & is outgoing. They are boisterous and have been known to bring fun & drama #ListenUpNG
15. into any situation they find themselves in. They are also referred to as “TALKERS”. They are very optimistic most times and #ListenUpNG 
16. charming.Like everyone they have downsides.They are disorganised, emotional & hypersensitive about what others think of them #ListenUpNG
17. The powerful CHOLERIC is that child that is naturally goal-oriented. He/she loves to achieve and organises quickly.Just like #ListenUpNG
18. NIKE they “Just do it!” thus they are referred to as “DOERS” & they love challenges. They are self disciplined and are able #ListenUpNG
19. to focus thus they will always make strong leaders.The downside of it all, however, is  that their drive & determination can #ListenUpNG
20. make them workaholics, opinionated & stubborn & they may seem very insensitive to others. The perfect MELANCHOLY is quieter, #ListenUpNG
21. deeper & more thoughtful than others and for everything that’s important to them, they strive for perfection. “If I will do #ListenUpNG
22. it, then I better do it right” is their motto. They are “THINKERS” and are careful, organised & thrive on order.They can be #ListenUpNG 
23. critical & can drive themselves crazy with efforts to measure up to their own standards.The peaceful PHLEGMATIC child is the #ListenUpNG
24. is the balanced & contented one. He/she does not feel compelled to change the world or change status quo. They appear to be #ListenUpNG
25. slower but interestingly it is because they are smarter. They never fret over the small stuff. They dislike risk, challenge, #ListenUpNG
26. surprise and will need some time to adapt to changes. They’re reserved but enjoy having people around them. They don’t have #ListenUpNG
27. the need to talk but they have an innate wit & it seems they always say the right thing at the right time. They are steady, #ListenUpNG
28. stable & are security oriented. They, however, lack discipline & motivation; this can make them procrastinate when there’s #ListenUpNG
29.no leadership in view.They’re viewed as “WATCHERS”.It’s interesting that we rarely relate these temperament types to children #ListenUpNG
30. Sometimes this temperament thing is also not as straight forward. You see a child who’s a clear MELANCHOLY at home but an #ListenUpNG 
31. obvious CHOLERIC at school. Have you ever observed that in any of your children? Is it possible? Do opposite personalities #ListenUpNG 
32. really combine this way? The truth is that even though many people function in opposing personalities, many people aren’t #ListenUpNG 
33. actually born that way. Even though a child is SANGUINE, he/she can still be a strong leader because it can be learnt. I’m #ListenUpNG 
34. sure as an adult you can identify areas of our life where you’ve learnt to act in a particular way even though it does not #ListenUpNG 
35. come to you naturally. Therefore, to know your child’s true personality you need to be able to differentiate between the #ListenUpNG
36. natural self and the trained self. If we don’t do this then you’ll join that child to put a mask on his/her true personality #ListenUpNG
37. and this will eventually wear out your child.The next question to answer then is “what causes masking?”.From birth our basic #ListenUpNG
38. instincts are fear of rejection & need for acceptance.Thus children may change their personality when they experience #ListenUpNG
39. rejection or lack of acceptance from those they love. That’s the reason why abused children will more often than not try to #ListenUpNG
40. please their abusers. They think “If I keep the secret…..If I talk less…..If I pretend I’m ok with my uncle….. then I #ListenUpNG
41. won’t be hurt anymore”. Another way we help children to mask their personalities is when we predetermine what a child should #ListenUpNG
42. be like. We push them so hard they find themselves in careers they don’t enjoy & that does not fit their personalities. Or #ListenUpNG
43. as a parent, why do you expect your bubbling child to be quiet like you? This prevents him/her from blossoming into her own #ListenUpNG
44. person thereby discovering the joy of being a SANGUINE. We also have parents who have beliefs about how children should be #ListenUpNG
45. as a result of their culture or faith. Some say “children should be seen & not heard”. This will work for a PHLEGMATIC child #ListenUpNG
46. but a SANGUINE will hate the inability to have fun. Whatever is the reason for the mask, it’s important to recognise your #ListenUpNG
47.child’s true personality & learn to remove the mask that might be covering it. To better analyse your children it’s good you #ListenUpNG 
48. know yours 1st. If you’re interested in a Personality Profile Questionnaire both for yourself & your child, I can make one #ListenUpNG
49. available for you through @KemiOdutayo. Asides from using a questionnaire, one thing parents can do is listen to the child #ListenUpNG
50. Most often than not they tell us who they are when we listen. When you listen you will understand what makes your #ListenUpNG 
51. child(ren) tick. Ask them how they feel about each other, about you & about their teacher. Do they talk about fun? Tell you #ListenUpNG 
52. what to do? Aim for perfection? Or take it easy? (that’s the PHLEGMATIC) If you listen they will let you know what they need #ListenUpNG
53. so you can help meet their emotional needs & stop them from their search. When it comes to temperament the greatest conflict #ListenUpNG
54. & misunderstanding btw parents. Let’s now move on to peculiarities about each of the temperaments and how to parent them #ListenUpNG 


55. Right from the day they are born SANGUINES love people & desire ATTENTION. As babies they don’t want to be left alone and as #ListenUpNG
56. children/teens they want you to maintain eye contact with them when listening to them. Their 2nd greatest need is APPROVAL. #ListenUpNG
57. This is one child u can’t ignore or criticize.They want everything about them to be a big deal to u. Of all the temperaments #ListenUpNG
58. too they are the most needy for touchy-feely AFFECTION. They crave for hugs, kisses and holding hands as babies and young #ListenUpNG
59. children but when they are teens they still want them but not much in public. They also want you to ACCEPT them just the way #ListenUpNG
60. they are & not how they will become. Never neglect them or compare them with their high achieving siblings or else they will #ListenUpNG
61. seek ACCEPTANCE somewhere else & it could be unhealthy. ATTENTION, APPROVAL, AFFECTION & ACCEPTANCE are the food of life for #ListenUpNG
62. SANGUINES. Don’t ever forget to feed them! As parents to SANGUINES you need to be careful that they don’t sweep you off your #ListenUpNG
63. your feet with their charm. Let your NO with them Encourage your SANGUINE’s sense of humour but let him/her know that words #ListenUpNG
64. could wound others if not thought through properly. Also teach ur SANGUINE that people will appreciate him more if he allows #ListenUpNG
65. others to talk too; he needs to learn to listen. SANGUINEs love fun & as such make adventures out of almost anything. Allow #ListenUpNG
66. this creativity in your child. Never abhor this part of ur child even if you’re melancholy/choleric. Allow them to do their #ListenUpNG
67. chores in d midst of fun without being a dictator. SANGUINES are emotional & impulsive so they have the tendency to drop #ListenUpNG 
68. something, spill their drink or trip when walking. Don’t single them out as a result of this because they didn’t plan it; #ListenUpNG
69. rather help them learn to cope with their clumsy tendencies. SANGUINES don’t remember names because they don’t listen when a #ListenUpNG
70. name is called and they don’t care. You should help them to remember names using something funny or colourful. Even though #ListenUpNG 
71. names are not the most important things in life for a child. It will help their relationship with others later in life #ListenUpNG 
72. If you won’t teach any of your children financial responsibility it must not be the SANGUINE, for them they need to have fun #ListenUpNG
73. no matter the cost. They may not take to it like a MELANCHOLY would but you can help them by setting limits for them #ListenUpNG
74. Another thing you need to help SANGUINES with is their obsession with their looks. From a very early age SANGUINES like #ListenUpNG
74. Another thing you need to help SANGUINES with is their obsession with their looks. From a very early age they like bright #ListenUpNG
75. colours & the latest designer clothes so they can draw attention they always seek.Let them have fun now that they are little #ListenUpNG
76. so they don’t become weird with outfits when they’re teenagers/young adults.Give them the freedom to be expressive now #ListenUpNG
77. SANGUINE girlss also need to be taught modesty early in life. This is because they learn early the value of sex appeal in #ListenUpNG
78. getting attention. If your child has already started this, don’t respond too rigidly or else she may rebel & dress even more #ListenUpNG
79. provocatively when you’re not there.Start out with love in the language she understands & you’ll achieve the desired results #ListenUpNG
80. SANGUINES are naturally creative as such u need to ensure u don’t stifle their imagination in an effort to make them conform #ListenUpNG
81. conform to d ordinary way of doing things.Encourage d unusual imagination & watch where it will lead which is stand them out #ListenUpNG
82. SANGUINE children have an ability to make life colorful because they see things in pictures. They always like to use  #ListenUpNG
83. expressions others wouldn’t always choose.Don’t put them in a dull gray mold becos they’re here to bring life to dreary days #ListenUpNG
84. Lastly I’ll say life is fun with a SANGUINE child but u shld never forget to help him/her balance it with focus & discipline #ListenUpNG
85. They also need constant supervision so they can complete whatever they start because they get easily distracted. As they go #ListenUpNG
86. along, you also need to praise so they can desire to do more. Help them learn how to say no because their charisma & desire #ListenUpNG
87. to be centre stage makes them say yes to too many things. Also never cut off all outside actitivites for a SANGUINE child #ListenUpNG


88. If there’s any child that feels he can be in control from birth, it’s the CHOLERIC. They don’t care what anybody thinks as #ListenUpNG
89. long as they get credit & APPRECIATION for everything.If you learn to thank & praise them then you have the greatest helpers #ListenUpNG
90.helpers in your camp already.They thrive on work & should never be left idle.They also need to feel that you’re on their side #ListenUpNG
91. side & loyal to their cause so you’ve got to just be loyal to them. They also want you to understand their need for CONTROL #ListenUpNG
92. If you relegate them you will not like the result at all because a CHOLERIC child can go as far as beat up a class mate or #ListenUpNG
93. take over from a teacher in class all to get a reaction from you.It’s therefore better for u to give such a child something, #ListenUpNG
94.such as toys, chores or anything you have available, to control so you don’t get to be controlled. Another thing CHOLERICS #ListenUpNG
95. thrives on is the need to LEAD.They know there is a need for rules & want to be the one to make them & expect you to be #ListenUpNG
96. grateful they have charted a course. Encourage this in your child too but don’t allow him or her to make your own schedule #ListenUpNG
97. thereby becoming controlling. They have a mind of their own & want to do things on their own terms.It’s their way or no way! #ListenUpNG
98. Although they aren’t perfectionists like MELANCHOLIES, they ensure things are right their way when it’s important to them #ListenUpNG
99. CHOLERIC children also do not play for fun, they want the challenges and excitement but they also need to win the game. They #ListenUpNG
100. have a very busy mind so you need to be very alert as their parents or else they will test you and get away with it #ListenUpNG
101. CHOLERICS are very good at pressing buttons and no matter their age they can get adults under their control just for fun #ListenUpNG
102. CHOLERICS don’t think or worry about anything, they just move. They are of the opinion that there’s always a solution #ListenUpNG
103. Another thing you need to work on seriously with a CHOLERIC child is their manners. They know what to do but usually won’t #ListenUpNG
104. give you the satisfaction of responding correctly. You therefore need to always be on your guard and not blow your top when #ListenUpNG
105. they decide to forget their manners. Also help them practice what they preach as they rarely follow their own advice #ListenUpNG
106. CHOLERICS dream big dreams & are always very confident about them but if they are not curbed they can overwhelm siblings, #ListenUpNG
107. friends and even adults. As toddlers their confidence is brilliant but as they grow older it can become arrogance. #ListenUpNG
108. As parents we need to help them know the difference.Lastly I’ll say you need to brace yourself for a power struggle frm dy1 #ListenUpNG
109. Help to channel their natural tendencies by propelling them to success. Also help them to learn sensitivity to others so #ListenUpNG
110. they can develop a heart for the hurting. Always ensure they know you you are the one in charge though #ListenUpNG


111. The MELANCHOLY is the opposite of the SANGUINE. Even as babies they think deeply, are quiet and also undemanding. They want #ListenUpNG
112. your dedicated SENSITIVITY and SUPPORT every time they are depressed even though you feel they should just cheer up. #ListenUpNG
113. As a parent it will be nice to notice their need for order & be sensitive to it because they usually will not talk about it #ListenUpNG
114. They would usually just work on creating orderliness wherever they find themselves and not talk about it. They need their #ListenUpNG
115. own SPACE so they can keep things in order.They also need a place of SILENCE where they can get over all the noise of d dy #ListenUpNG
116. MELANCHOLIES also will like you to say what you mean because they take everything you say at face value.Never ridicule them #ListenUpNG
117. when they ask questions so they can understand better. To get information out of a MELANCHOLY child you need to ask pointed #ListenUpNG
118. pointed questions. They will not tell you what you want to know except you know how to ask so ensure you do so specifically #ListenUpNG
119. These group of children also have a deep need to know when things are supposed to happen so help them get some form of #ListenUpNG
120. schedule for their day even as toddlers. MELANCHOLY children know how they feel both physically and emotionally so they will #ListenUpNG
121. appreciate their parents to listen to them without being ridiculed or termed worriers. Also let them learn about their #ListenUpNG
122. temperament early in life so they know that strengths and weaknesses are not peculiar to them alone. They are also very #ListenUpNG
123. tender at heart and as such add rich depth to the character of any family they are in. Lastly I will say they are the soul, #ListenUpNG
124. mind, spirit and heart of humanity. They help others around them and the hurting get their attention more because of their #ListenUpNG
125. sensitive nature. Their sense of detail and analysis also help them achieve a lot in life. All you need do as a parent is #ListenUpNG
126. help them concentrate on their strengths while coping with the not-so-perfect world they live in. #ListenUpNG


127. The PHLEGMATIC is the easiest and least demanding of all the temperaments. They can be easily ignored but we need to ensure #ListenUpNG
128. their needs are met too. They have a low energy level, hate conflict and confrontation thus they crave PEACE and QUIET. #ListenUpNG
129. This child lacks internal drive so he/she needs LOVING MOTIVATION from you so he/she can move. They don’t compete for #ListenUpNG
130. AFFECTION/PRAISE but they need it to develop their SELF-WORTH.You need to tell them you love and respect them without #ListenUpNG
131. linking it to what they do or can do. You can also compliment their sweet spirit and concern for people in need which they #ListenUpNG
132. have in high supply. PHLEGMATICS are usually single interest children so it can be difficult to find out what motivates them #ListenUpNG
133. As a parent you need to show them their options and help them to keep trying out different possibilities till you can find #ListenUpNG
134. what excites them.They avoid hard, tedious or any work that does not fit their interests &  will usually follow the path of #ListenUpNG
135. resistance. Work is rarely a way to discipline for them because they will get more depressed. When it comes to work they #ListenUpNG
136. won’t even mind to be retired at the age of 10 if possible so you need to teach them to clearly evaluate their options and #ListenUpNG
137. make their own choices. They can also be stubborn so you will need a strong boundary and a stiff consequence to get them #ListenUpNG
138. back on track. Be sure to reward your young PHLEGMATIC for every achievement no matter how small as the light at the end of #ListenUpNG
139. the channel is a great encouragement to get them moving so they don’t become lazy and drift through life #ListenUpNG
140. It’s important to note that an understanding of the above will help u gain confidence as a parent & bring peace to ur home #ListenUpNG

About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.