2017 #ListenUpNG Wk14: SAYING SORRY IS NOT A WEAKNESS

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1. Hello everyone! It’s great to be back on board! #ListenUpNG Thanks so much for your prayers, care and concern! I am much better!

2. If you are joining us for the first time, #ListenUpNG is a weekly mentoring event on twitter, one of the Me4 Initiatives powered by Me4 Communications @Me4Nigeria

3. On #ListenUpNG, we discuss #RealLifeIssues that we encounter in relationships and proffer mentoring to navigate them

4. Men and women of character and competence in their area of influence are often hosted on #ListenUpNG to tweach on #RealLifeIssues

5. This week, I @KemiOdutayo the host will be tweaching on today’s session, the 1st in the May Edition on #ListenUpNG #SayingSorryIsNotAWeakness

6. #ListenUpNG I’m all about fostering healthy relationships…I am passionate about YOU and your relationships.

7. #ListenUpNG Recently the social media was agog with the celebration of love of two celebrities. A union made in heaven, they say! A big congratulations to them

8. The ‘chemistry’ between these two was awesome especially in the film, #WeddingParty where they were the leading roles #ListenUpNG

9. #ListenUpNG It got me thinking. Do you know that no matter how awesome a relationship is, the inability to say ‘SORRY’ can be its undoing? #LoveInTheAir

10. #ListenUpNG The inability to admit in word or deed that you are wrong about an issue or a person may/will cause irrevocable damage to the relationship!

11. #ListenUpNG Have you ever heard the clichĂ©, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry” ? How such a myth gain any acceptance is still a marvel to me

12. #ListenUpNG If you’re close to someone, the likelihood of stepping on each others’ toes is very high. Check out this scenario

13. #ListenUpNG Paul had a misunderstanding with a colleague at work. He was so pissed that he ended up leaving the office in anger.

14. #ListenUpNG He barked at the security guard that took his time before allowing him into his gated compound

15. #ListenUpNG Paul was quick to let loose his tongue on the ‘unfortunate’ man and even went as far as threatening to sack him next time he was remiss in his duty

16. #ListenUpNG The poor man was shocked to see his easy going ‘oga’ display such anger. For the life of him, he just couldn’t understand why Oga was in such a bad mood

17. Needless to say, Paul stormed into his apartment. He shouted at his kids to keep quiet and instructed them to go to their rooms without so much as a word of greeting #ListenUpNG

18. His wife was confused. Her tentative welcoming smile disappeared. She decided to allow him cool off for some few minutes before serving him dinner #ListenUpNG

19. #ListenUpNG The rice was overcooked, according to him. That set him off again! It took her bursting into tears and shouting back at him to bring him back to his senses

20.#ListenUpNG At that moment, Paul realised how he had allowed the incident at work to ‘poison’ his other relationships.

21. #ListenUpNG He knew he had messed up. Big time. He knew he was in the wrong. But how does he apologise?

22. #ListenUpNG He went back to his food and asked for a class of juice. His wife was fuming by now and he knew it.

23. #ListenUpNG He believed going back to calmly eat his food and asking for a class of juice is enough to show his wife that he’s sorry, in his own opinion.

25. #ListenUpNG He called out to his kids and asked if they have done their assignments. They answered in the affirmative with downcast eyes.

26. #ListenUpNG They were unsmiling. He trued to cajole them to break into a smile by promising to give them additional pocket money to take to school the next day.

27. #ListenUpNG During the night, he cuddled up to his wife, only for her to shake off his hands in anger. He has been looking forward to relieving some of his tension that night. He was surprised and shocked.

28.#ListenUpNG He wondered what the matter was. She couldn’t still be mad about his shouting at her? Or could she? Women!

29.#ListenUpNG He felt she should have known he was sorry about his action.

30. #ListenUpNG She eventually stood up and left to sleep in the guest room when he persisted. He believed she was taking it too far.

31.#ListenUpNG What kind of anger should make a wife deny her hubby of his conjugal right? He wondered as he sleot off.

32. #ListenUpNG He left for office the next morning. His wife was still giving him the cold shoulder.

33. #ListenUpNG As he drove out if his compound, his security guard’s response to his greeting was just a nod of his bald head. He guess almost everyone was still angry at him

34. This notwithstanding, Paul waved cheerfully at his security guard as ge drive off. He felt the man should have realised he wasn’t his normal self yesterday

35. #ListenUpNG At the office, they found out that he was actually the one in the wrong. However, he just couldn’t bring himself to apologise as he diesnt want yo lose face.

36. #ListenUpNG Paul went to his colleague’s desk and tried to engage him in a conversation that has nothing to do with the issue at hand. All in the bud to smooth over ruffled feathers

37. #ListenUpNG That was his way of saying ‘sorry’. His colleague looked at him and just decided to let bygone be bygone. They later went for lunch together

38. #ListenUpNG The inability to say ‘sorry’ when you are in the wrong is not gender sensitive. It’s a wrong behavioural mindset that can be found in both men and women

39. #ListenUpNG Sometimes, it could be an ego thing. While at other times, it’s just mere insensitivity to the feelings of the other party or parties

40. #ListenUpNG When you hurt someone, it’s important to say, “I’m sorry.” ESPECIALLY if the person is YOUR SPOUSE or loved ones irrespective of their age or gender

41. #ListenUpNG Not only is it important to say “I’m sorry,” but it’s equally if not more important to say it well…in a way properly understood by the wronged. This is absolutely a must if the relationship is important to you and you will like to ‘win’ back the wronged party

42. #ListenUpNG Usually, words alone aren’t enough. You have to get inside the person’s heart, feel their pain and walk in their shoes

43. #ListenUpNG And in order for them to forgive you, they have to FEEL completely understood. You need to listen to their grievances/hurtsand not shut them down

44. #ListenUpNG Don’t make them feel their grievances are inconsequential! Unwarranted! That’s how they feel! They felt hurt! Their feelings are theirs! Dont try to explain it away!

45. #ListenUpNG Otherwise, you might say the cursory, “I’m sorry,” and he or she might say, “It’s okay,” but nothing will change…Nothing is okay!

46. #ListenUpNG That means the issue remained unadressed and unresolved! You could be stuck in that rut and hurt for years if the issue is not revisited. It may end up a wiund that kept fedtering eating away at the foundation of your relationship

47. #ListenUpNG Sometimes, saying ‘I’m sorry’ may not necessarily be because you are in the wrong!

48. #ListenUpNG You may have to say it just to keep the communication line open and prevent the other party from building up an emotional wall. You may need to lose the battle to win the war

49. #ListenUpNG #SayingSorryIsNotAWeakness but a very good and wise way of breaking down the communication brick wall already errected in your relationship

50.#ListenUpNG #SayingSorryIsNotAWeakness but prepares the way for conflict resolution

51. #ListenUpNG Being ready to admit to your wrongdoing will also ensure that you and the wronged party SUCCESSFULLY move through the hurt

51. #ListenUpNG Being ready to admit to your wrongdoing will also ensure both of you heal and move through the hurt in record time too

52. #ListenUpNG Admitting to being in the wrong is an indication that you refuse to take people for granted and that you cherish your relationships

53. #ListenUpNG While at it, please note…saying or feeling sorry is not just for you but for the hurt party! So, do it right!

54. #ListenUpNG I mean, express your apology in a way that is acceptable and understood by him or her and not by YOU!

54b. When you hurt someone, or someone felt hurt by you or you discovered you are the one actually in the wrong, it’s no longer about how you feel but how the other party feel/felt #ListenUpNG

55. #ListenUpNG Saying “I’m sorry” restores your relationship the way only those two magic words have the power to do.

55b. #ListenUpNG Don’t just #SaySorry Act it too! Let him/her know you truly are! Bridge the gap. Break the wall. #SayingSorryIsNotAWeakness

56.#ListenUpNG Purpose to be deliberate about your relationships henceforth! Be an advocate! Foster healthy relationships. As far as it deoends on you, LIVE AT PEACE with ALL MEN

57. #ListenUpNG #SayingSorryIsNotAWeakness It can only strengthen your relationships and build your character

58. #ListenUpNG Till I come your way next week with another inspiring session on #ListenUpNG, stay blessed!

About Kemi Odutayo