Hello friends! It’s still the INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S MONTH! ???? And guess what? Today is the Good Friday! #ListenUpNG

#ListenUpNG Jesus is the reason for the Season! I pray his death will not be in vain in your life and mine IJMN

#ListenUpNG Wk13 with @bimbola_davids will round up the series in commemoration of the IWM

This edition of #ListenUpNG is a blast! Kudos to my inspiring guests! They were awesome!

To read past sessions on #ListenUpNG visit www.kemiodutayo.com/blog You will be glad you did!

Oftentimes women wallow in SELF PITY as life has dealt us a bad hand. Truly life happens. @bimbola_davids will be addressing this in #ListenUpNG Wk13

On this session of #ListenUpNG @bimbola_davids will be showing us how to stop the #PityParty

@bimbola_davids is the president and founder of the ‘Women of Worth Foundation’  #ListenUpNG Wk13

@bimbola_davids has a passion for the family which has led to her speaking on several platforms  #ListenUpNG Wk13

@bimbola_davids is one of the speakers at the upcoming @DaystarNG Women’s Conference #ListenUpNG Wk13

#ListenUpNG Read more about @bimbola_davids and my other distinguished guests on the March Edition here: http://wp.me/p6tkXz-um

Join me as I welcome @bimbola_davids on board #ListenUpNG Wk13. Over to you, ma’am!

Hello everyone. Excited to be here and thank you @KemiOdutayo for the opportunity. It’s still the season of celebrating women. #ListenUpNg

I believe it is of great importance for women to break free from limiting beliefs that hinder our great potential #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo

Today, we’ll be talking about one of this very limiting beliefs; self-pity, hence the topic ‘Stop the Pity Party’ #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo

1. I think it is important we start with the fundamental of defining what Self-pity is. #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo @Global_ImpactNG

2. Self-pity excessive is the self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own troubles;. #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo @Global_ImpactNG

3. It is an unexpressed thirst for sympathy & attention from others. It occurs when we feel no one cares about us #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo

4. It is in human nature to enjoy attention from others as we want people to notice our growth and successes. #ListenUpNG @Global_ImpactNG

5. In the same light, we also want people to sympathize with us when we go through difficulties. #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo @Global_ImpactNG

6. I remember being a child seeing my very busy & sometimes ‘irritable’ mum being extra loving and attentive to me if I was ill #ListenUpNG

7. So, I would get sick more often just to elicit more undivided & loving attention from her, until she found out about my ploy. #ListenUpNG

8. The thing about self-pity is that it is mostly hinged on focusing on self, (better known as selfishness) & a low self-esteem. #ListenUpNG

9. The ‘attention-seeking’ mindset makes us enjoy ‘being pitied’, which is a sign of insecurity. #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo @Global_ImpactNG

10. A lot of us desire some form of validation before we can accept that certain things about us are true. #ListenUpNG @Global_ImpactNG

11. No matter how cute I think I look, especially after a new hairdo, most times, I still crave someone else’s validation. #ListenUpNG

12. It’s easy to get into the ‘pity-party’ rut because we are used to putting the responsibility & worth of our lives on others #ListenUpNG

13. So when something bad happens, we look for who to blame, thereby abdicating our responsibility to do something about it. #ListenUpNG

14a An ”entitlement’ mindset is another cause of self-pity, we have the “I ought to be the preferred choice” attitude… #ListenUpNG

14b …because I’m ‘prettier’, ‘richer’, ‘older’ etc & when someone seemingly “less qualified” is selected, we throw a pity party#ListenUpNG

15. Throwing a pity-party is also a way of getting others on your side even when you know you’re wrong. #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo

16a This is seen mostly in ladies, (I was once like that), instead of accepting wrong, we burst into tears & all logic ends. #ListenUpNG

16b The other party then has to focus on pacifying the tears whereas the wisdom we should have learnt in that scenario dies. ListenUpNG

17a You may ask, how do I know I am throwing a pity party? When you often say things like, ‘I don’t deserve, ‘life is unfair’ #ListenUpNG

17b When you always draw others attention to your predicament & subtly wish for negative things to happen so you can get pitied #ListenUpNG

18a A ‘pity-party’ mindset seeks to draw sympathy to oneself using someone else’s troubles. #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo

18b. For instance, a wife that wants people to sympathize with her because her husband’s job loss would affect her more. #ListenUpNG

19a. Anger is an another expression of self pity. Cain’s outburst of anger eventually led to murder. #ListenUpNG

19b. This was as a result of him feeling ‘It’s not fair’, ‘I don’t deserve this treatment’ #ListenUpNG

20a. Another expression is Negative soulish desires; When we’re given to the rut of ‘pity-party’, we unconsciously wish for… #ListenUpNG

20b …or desire the downfall of someone else, especially if they are doing better than us in an area #ListenUpNG

21. How do we respond when we hear that that friend/colleague that was doing better than us has a problem? #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo

22. Ingratitude is another expression of self pity; Focusing on what is not going on well for us & lose sight of what is working #ListenUpNG

23. When we don’t feel good about ourselves & life in general we can become susceptible to depression & suicidal tendencies #ListenUpNG

24. Relationships suffer when we allow self-pity, mainly because it has its roots in self-centeredness. #ListenUpNG @KemiOdutayo

25. I heard a story of a man who was sacked at work and because he felt he didn’t deserve that action, he refused to work again #ListenUpNG.

25b. Your guess is as good as mine, his family & their finances suffered tremendously #ListenUpNG..

26. A pity party never benefits alone. In fact it affects others as much as it affects the one engaging in it. #ListenUpNG..

27. The first step in dealing with self-pity is acknowledgement ‘; Don’t make excuses. Be honest with yourself. @KemiOdutayo #ListenUpNG

28. We are all imperfect people capable of hurt & disappointment. People do the best they can based on their level of knowledge #ListenUpNG

29 ‘In this world, you will have troubles, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world’, Jesus said @KemiOdutayo #ListenUpNG

30. We must adopt the attitude of ‘there’s no failure in life; there’s only feedback’; dust yourself and get back up. #ListenUpNG

31. Don’t be in a hurry to dust off the shame and pain of failure, disappointments or hurts like so many are prone to do. #ListenUpNG

32. Don’t hide from it, rather, face it, and learn from it. Let the event become a source of improvement for you. #ListenUpNG

33. We must be willing to ask others what they did right. If Cain had done that, the outcome would have been different (Gen 4) #ListenUpNG

34. We must be bold to ask for help especially if it is too much for you to handle. Talk to proven experts that can help you. #ListenUpNG

35. Another major way to deal with self pity is the simple but powerful truth called Gratitude. @KemiOdutayo @Global_ImpactNG #ListenUpNG

36a.Keep a gratitude journal, where you write down a list of things that you’re thankful for each day. @KemiOdutayo #ListenUpNG

36b. Being thankful for the little, magnifies it to much. We may not be where we want to be but we’re not where we used to be #ListenUpNG

37. Remember a living dog is better than a dead lion’ #ListenUpNG https://t.co/X1IBywwwIw

38. Value yourself; how you see yourself and what you feel you deserve is exactly what life will dish out to you. #ListenUpNG

39. If you see yourself as valuable & priceless, you will attract & be attracted to people that think of you in that same light #ListenUpNG

40. Change what you say to yourself. Don’t let your limiting “self talk” talk you out of what God has destined for you. #ListenUpNG

41. Watch out for external factors that trigger feelings of self pity. They can be certain sounds, colors, movies… #ListenUpNG

41b.If it’s a limiting memory, then it’s important that you deliberately replace it with new & empowering memories & experiences #ListenUpNG

42. Do meaningful things for at least one person daily. Doing something kind for someone else boosts self-esteem and confidence. #ListenUpNG

43. Put your environment in order. Washing clothes & tidying our environment as a way of boosting one’s psyche & inner emotions. #ListenUpNG

In conclusion, self-pity isn’t an issue that is dealt with once, it requires consistent effort till it fades away @KemiOdutayo #ListenUpNG

Take personal responsibility for your life and happiness.



I pray that as you take steps in overcoming this limiting behavior, God’s grace and help will come through for you.

I pray for fresh joy to well up from within you. You won’t be drowned by discouragement and depression.

I ask that you say this to yourself; I am beautiful, I am confident. I am a blessing.

I am not a burden. I have favor with God and man. I am awesome!
#Confessions #ListenUpNG

Thanks for listening & @kemiodutayo thanks so much for having me. God will certainly bless you for always reaching out to women

Wow! Thanks so much @bimbola_davids What a beautiful way to round off our INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S MONTH EDITION.

I dare say this edition is a must read for all women.and the men that love them!

Till next week, when we will be discussing ETHICS IN THE WORKPLACE with our line up of seasoned HR professionals, stop the #PityParty????


About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.