#ListenUpNG Wk28 with our guest Yinka Ogunnubi @yinkanubi was awesome. He tweeted on another crucial #RealLifeIssue in relationships; finance as it relates to men ~ WHEN SHE EARNS MORE

#ReadRestRelaxAndReflect on the compilation below. You can also browse through the blog to read other other men related issues that has been addressed in this series. Happy reading!

#ListenUpNG @yinkanubi is a Husband, Father, Financial Analyst and Man-Centric as he often described himself. He is the Author of the personal finance book “Honey is it in the Budget”. @yinkanubi is also a Trainer, Facilitator and a Public Speaker in high demand.

Join me as I welcome @yinkanubi on board #ListenUpNG Wk28! Get ready for a #MindsetMakeover

Thank you @KemiOdutayo for inviting me once again to your platform. #ListenUpNG Starts Now!

1. When @KemiOdutayo gave me this topic, I knew she was setting me up cos she knew dat I wld be hosting tomorrow a men’s hangout #ListenUpNG

3. 1st let’s start by establishing some context why this is an important topic & one which’s getting prevalent in present times. #ListenUpNG

4. Contrary to what d development sector wld want us to believe, data actually shows that women are making significant progress #ListenUpNG

5. Women are making significant progress on several fronts. u merely have to look at certain gender indicators to see d picture #ListenUpNG

6. Females are beating males in sch enrolments in d south & improving in d north. Borrowing from Fin institutns are increasing. #ListenUpNG

7. Women participation in biz ownership is increasing while the climb up the corporate ladder is happening at a faster pace. #ListenUpNG

8. When you juxtapose that with the record number of men losing their jobs, you get the idea that what we see now …. #ListenUpNG

9. i.e..(the issue of the wife earning more), is only a reflection of the progress of women on several front. #ListenUpNG

10. In fact the World Bank data shows that the percentage of female bread winners jumped by 21% between 2011 and 2014. #ListenUpNG

11. Women are increasing taking more responsibility of being providers in their homes in addition to domestic responsibilities. #ListenUpNG

12. The question we should ask is – “is this by choice or by force”?. Does she accept this responsibility cos she wants to or she has to?#ListenUpNG

13. Why is this an issue for men in the first place? Again we take a look at the data to help us understand this better. #ListenUpNG

14. According to the “Being a man in Nigeria report”, 6 out of 10 men believe a man has no value if he doesn’t have an income. #ListenUpNG

15. While 9 in 10 men believe a wife must OBEY her husband in ALL Things and that they must have the final word in the marriage. #ListenUpNG

16. So there lies d prob. The majority of men believe their value as a man is directly linked to their ability to earn an income #ListenUpNG

17. and the vast majority of men also believe they hold supreme right over on their woman. Her body parts inclusive. #ListenUpNG

18. So you can understand why the notion of a woman earning more income can be seen as offensive to the vast majority of men. #ListenUpNG

19. Myles Monroe it was that said “When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”. Very Profound. #ListenUpNG

20. Ultimately, the fundamental resolution of this subject is directly linked to the understanding of the purpose of marriage. #ListenUpNG

21. If we can understand d purpose of marriage, it can help us challenge d norms making issue of female bread winners offensive #ListenUpNG

22.Let’s consider at a few principles. #ListenUpNG

23.1. Marriage fundamentally is a union of two equals. It is not the joining of a “Weaker” vessel to a “Stronger” Vessel. #ListenUpNG

24. By the way, this goes both ways. It is not only the problem of the male, it is also an issue for the female. #ListenUpNG

25. The prevailing mindset is 1 that believes the role of d woman in is limited to just being a “supporter” in terms of income #ListenUpNG

26. Thus the reality of a woman being the main provider is demonstrated by women in ways that appears to validated in men… #ListenUpNG

27….the reason why a woman should never be in that capacity. #ListenUpNG

28. 2.Value is not necessarily reflected in Cash. One of d travesty of our age is d evaluation of worth only according to “Cash” #ListenUpNG

29. This is fundamentally flawed. The worth of a man & woman shdn’t be determined in cash, but according to the value they bring #ListenUpNG

30.In d corporate world, some partners are allotted equity not bcos of cash they bring 2d table but as per their technical value #ListenUpNG

31. In the same way, there are several value a man and woman can bring to a relationship that is more valuable than cash. #ListenUpNG

32. Allow me to use this illustration. The Yoruba’s have a song that says Iya ni wura iyebiye Ti a ko le f’owora. #ListenUpNG

33. (Translatn) Mother is a precious gold, That can’t be purchased with money). Why do we say this? Is this true? Of course Yes #ListenUpNG

34. A mother’s value is not determined by how much money she has but how much she cares for her husband and her family. #ListenUpNG

35. In OtherWords, motherly care is sufficient Value that measures greater than cash & like any value it can be exchanged for cash #ListenUpNG

36. The problem I have found out is not whether a woman earns more than the man, it is usually whether the man is ready to … #ListenUpNG

37… trade in the lack of cash for value in other areas of equal or higher value. #ListenUpNG

38. For instance has the man develop capacity to solve problems for the woman and the family in areas of common interest? #ListenUpNG

39. If you can’t compete with cash, maybe you can compete in the arena of ideas, planning and solving problems for the woman. #ListenUpNG

40.The last principle i’ll mention is that of “Finding comfort in ur own skin”. Some men can’t handle d fact that she earns more #ListenUpNG

41. As much as they try, they just can’t move beyond that mental block. What such men really suffer from is “Low Self-Esteem”. #ListenUpNG

42.They’ve linked their sense of fulfillment to their ability to earn more. Shd tide change, what follows are huge esteem issues #ListenUpNG

43. But its a fundamentally flawed mentality. I’ve met men married to strong women, who do not feel in the slightest intimidated #ListenUpNG

44. Why? Because their sense of personality is so self-assured that they are not intimidated by the success of their wives. #ListenUpNG

45. My wife today runs her own business but at d later part of her career, she earned more than me. It was never an issue for me #ListenUpNG

46. Why? bcos we’ve a single vision which we worked towards and I never shied away from my responsibility to her and the family. #ListenUpNG

47. So allow me summaries this. There is absolutely nothing wrong in a woman earning more than you. Life Happens to all of us. #ListenUpNG

48. But 1. Understand that marriage is about the union of two equals coming together to work towards a common vision and goal. #ListenUpNG

49.2. Determine ur worth not necessarily by cash but by value u bring to the table. Mind u, this also includes emotional capital #ListenUpNG

50. Remember, If you can’t compete in cash, you can try to compete in other areas of value as well. #ListenUpNG

51. And finally, be confident in your capacity as a man to lead in your home. Be comfortable in your own skin. #ListenUpNG

52. At the end of the day, this one thing is true – YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE THAN YOU THINK. #ListenUpNG

53. Thank you @KemiOdutayo and keep up the good work. #ListenUpNG

Host: Wow! I recommend this to every man. You are more than this! Yinka Ogunnubi had said it all!

Watch out for the next session on #ListenUpNG next week Friday by 4pm

#RealLifeIssue ~ WHEN THINGS FALL APART. Hmm. Oftentimes when things fall apart in a relationship, it seems the men easily succumb to emotional pressure. It seems they throw in the towel so easily. Why? What and how best can they deal with issues…WHEN THINGS FALL APART.


About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.