#ListenUpNG 2018: Don’t Struggle in Silence; SPEAK OUT!

1. Last week on #ListenUpNG the #RealLifeIssue discussed was: 3RD PARTIES IN RELATIONSHIPS. #IncaseYouMissedIt do click on the link below to catch up. #ReadRestRelaxAndReflect on the points highlighted.

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3. Today on #ListenUpNG I’m going to be building on the premise that, though the inclusion of a 3rd party in relationships especially marriage, can be dangerous and intrusive, a counsellor/coach/therapist do not fall into such category

4. #ListenUpNG What the Medical Practitioners do to ensure the health of your physical body is similar to what the Relationship Counsellors/Coaches/Therapists do for your emotional and mental health.

5. It’s quite normal and common that when we don’t feel well physically, we know it’s time to go see a Doctor and possibly run some tests for proper diagnosis and treatment #ListenUpNG

6. However, when we are emotionally down for a long period of time and we can’t seem to snap out of it; when we have been hurt and living in bitterness and unforgiveness to the extend that our physical health is being negatively impacted, it’s amazing how we sweep it under the carpet.

7. #ListenUpNG We tend to put on the ‘band aid’ and wrap bandage round an untreated wound, erroneously believing it will heal on its own. We bottle up our deepest emotions either because of what society expects or because we have been traumatized and hence numb and oblivious.

8. #ListenUpNG The culture of silence need to be broken whatever the case may be. Ignoring issues doesn’t make them go away. Pretending things are OK when they are not is self deception. No wonder we hear of some stories and they seem too horrific to be true because they involve people we know and relate with

9. #ListenUpNG Unknowingly to us, most of them are suffering in silence. Some are being victimised, bullied and threatened by their abusers. Some men dare not confess to the physical, emotional and mental abuse they suffer in the hands of their spouses. They don’t want to like a sissy. They don’t want to be judged

10. #ListenUpNG Frustration, anger, restlessness, shame, guilt, regret, confusion, helplessness and so many other negative emotions are pushing most people to the brink of hopelessness. The rate of suicide and abuse is on an all time high! It’s alarming!

11. #ListenUpNG Our society is very harsh and unforgiving, ready to play the blame game at the drop of an hat. The victim that dared to speak up and speak out is already judged before he or she finished narrating his/her ordeal. Our holier than thou attitude is 2nd to none!

12. #ListenUpNG Love, compassion and empathy have become scarce commodities. It’s like seeing a drowning man or woman crying for help while we engage in heated disscussion wondering why he/she is without a life jacket. We stand there deliberating the price of life jackets and why he/she had never bothered to take swimming lessons

13. #ListenUpNG My submission; if you are in the habit of putting your issues out there expecting advice from all and sundry, you will end up confusing yourself the more. Too many cooks spoil the soap. When it comes to counselling, no one size fits all.

14. Yes, it’s generally said that a problem shared is a problem half solved.#ListenUpNG I humbly submit that a problem shared WITH THE RIGHT PERSON is the problem that is half solved. Most times, issues brought by the counsellees seeking help is symptomic at best

15. #ListenUpNG A one-off answer doesn’t solve all problems. Especially problems involving mindsets and beliefs. Sometimes it may even compound the issue on ground. A truly sustainable transformation occurs at the unconscious level. It’s a process and like all processes, it takes time

15b. I once heard of a woman who has been having marital issues. She was sympathetically adviced to wake her hubby up in the middle of the night and knee down as a sign of respect asking for forgiveness

16. #ListenUpNG To the ordinary eyes, this seems like a good advice. But alas, in the process of carrying out the advice, a big fight ensued. The hubby raised alarm that she was trying to use juju on him in the middle of the night. Needless to say, the issue escalated.

17. #ListenUpNG Professional Counsellors; I mean counsellors that have been trained in various counselling skills. Counsellors with years of experience in the field that know what works and what doesn’t would have taken time to assess the situation and parties more critically

18. #ListenUpNG Counsellors(Professionals) will be willing to talk and walk their clients through some asssessments to diagnose and then assist the client to make informed decisions. The best course of action suited for the clients’ peculiar situation is then agreed on

19. #ListenUpNG So, don’t suffer in silence. Speak out! Speak up! Don’t be Single, silly and stupid, seek counsel! Don’t bury your head in the sand. Wake up and smell the coffee. Sometimes, a little adjustment can trigger the most amazing improvement and transformation

20. #ListenUpNG Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is one of the definitions of INSANITY. Dare to speak out! The Me4Counselling Team are here to talk and walk you through your emotional issues.

21. 21. Till we meet again next week on #ListenUpNG when we will be discussing myths surrounding counselling & counselling as a profession, do have a fantastic weekend! Call the Me4Counselling Team for your counselling needs…we will talk & walk u through your issues. Sweet dreams!

About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.