Happy Mothers Day to all mums and mums-to-be! And love to you men that love us too! Lol!

The weekend was hectic but impactful! #ListenUpNG Wk11 was so so touching! Read the testimony of our guest @Bunmi_Sobowale and how God turned her mess into her message of hope!

Read the Storify version here

#ListenUp Wk11: RAPED! WAS I TO BLAME? (with images, tweets) ·


On the compiled tweets below!

@Bunmi_Sobowale: A great honour to grace this platform. Appreciate God and my sis @kemi_odutayo for this priviledge & initiative.#Listenup

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 1. I will tweet-talk on “RAPED; Was i to blame? Have been instructed to share my story, so I’m your case-study for this topic.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 2. This topic is a troubling question in the heart of many victims of rape. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 3. I’m a survivor of child-abuse and rape. And here goes my story. Let’s go! #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 4. At a very young age, I was sexually abused by people close to me. What did a child like me know then? I was gullible & ignorant.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 5. I was abused under the roof of my parents & they never suspected anything. I didn’t have the courage to tell them neither. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 6. Statistics have it that 90% of child sexual abuse is carried out by the people well known and trusted by the child. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 7. Child sexual abuse is a silent epidemic that is eating deeply into our society. And if something is not done to curb it, #ListenUp 1/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 7b. we are all at risk of raising and living with depressed and hurting people. #ListenUp 2/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 8. The episode of abuse took away my childhood dreams. My world became dark and dreary to me. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 9. Parents, be very vigilant when people are at home with your children. They can get abused under your roof without you knowing. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 10. Be your child’s best friend so that they can easily tell u what goes on. Abuse rips a child off & dampens his/her self-esteem. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 11. As if being abused was not enough, I was ushered into another saga of sexual abuse. I was raped. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 12. I was gang-raped on two occasions instigated by my friends; first time by 3 guys and the second time by 6 guys. It was violent.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 13. The first rape incident was orchestrated by a friend I had met at the extra-mural class I was attending….#ListenUp 1/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 13b. He raped me with his friends when I went visiting him. #ListenUp 2/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 14. Men became my worst nightmare. I began to avoid going to enclosed places with them or paying them visits. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 15. Yet again I got raped by a guy that I called my friend. My punishment was because I turned down….#ListenUp 1/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 15b. his proposition for an intimate relationship. #ListenUp 2/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 16. He tricked me to a quiet estate and raped me. Five of his friends took turns too.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 16b.  I died inside that day. Somehow my parents got to know, but they couldn’t help me. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 17. I was a disaster waiting to happen, and I began to unfold myself in different dimensions. A messed-up me was again messed up. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 18. I became so confused to the extent that confusion became confused about me.(Lol) Life made no sense to me anymore. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 18b. At a time of bitter struggle I wrote a suicide note and swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills but I was saved. The pills were flushed out.##ListenUp.

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 19. I had blamed myself then for the rape because i couldn’t fathom why it happenned. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 20. I had asked questions in my heart then why all these were happening to me. Why me? #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 21. As times goes on, i began to understand better that the rape was not my fault. So i quit the self-blaming game. #Listenup

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 22. Have you asked yourself this same question? And you have not arrived at an answer? I have an answer for you now.. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 23. #ListenUp!!! The rape was not your fault. I repeat; IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! Please quit the self-blaming.!#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 24. If you’ve been raped, you’re not to blame. Quit the self-blame! The rape was never your fault, rather the rapist’s. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 25. You need to realise you were forced into the act, someone took over your will-power through force, without your consent. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 26. So you see, it’s not your fault! It’s not your fault! Let this sink deep, please. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 27. Most victims use self-blame as an avoidance based coping tool. Self-blame slows or in many cases hinders….. #ListenUp 1/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: b. or affect d healing process. #ListenUp 2/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 28. A lot of victims have still not come to terms with the fact that they are indeed survivors……..#ListenUp 1/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: b. as a result they. still carry the victim mentality syndrome. #ListenUp 2/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: c. If you’re still blaming yourself for being raped, you’re still carrying the victim mentality syndrome. Quit it! #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 29. And this has contributed to the major reason why victims blame themselves. Blaming yourself only aggravates the pain.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 30. Due to this, victims avoids or lack motivation to seek care, while some don’t even forgive themselves.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 31. The hurts, the pain and agony a victim go through due to rape cannot be explained. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 32. The psychological effects of rape are potentially more life altering for a victim. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: b. One of the psychological consequences of rape is self-blame. And it has different languages it speaks.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 33. Every victim of rape is fighting a battle within themselves. A battle they cannot fight alone. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 34. Why don’t you take some minutes and walk in our shoes? So you can truly know and feel the fire that scarred us.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 35. But rather than being a voice to fight this evil menace, you go ahead and stigmatized us. Did we beg to be rape? #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 36. Why do women get raped? Women get rape because men raped them. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 37.Men, when a lady says NO, please respect her NO. NO means NO!!! That’s all! If you add. force (rape), you’ve killed her! #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: b. Infact you have murdered her silently. #Listenup

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 38. Without consent, uve no right over a woman’s body. And u shld know consent can be withdrawn at any time. Respect & obey too. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: b. “Hurting people hurt people. Most abusers/rapists are mostly victims of abuse. But for how long will you continue to hurt people because u  were hurt.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: c. Have you raped someone before? Today make a  decision that you will stop it. So as not to reap what you sowed. God is ready to forgive you.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 39. Rape is an error that needs to be corrected or it will become too disastrous to our society.  Till now VAPBILL is yet to be passed/signed.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 40. There is a wrong notion that rape is mosltly done by strangers and people you probably don’t know.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 41. This is not true in all cases. Familiar faces do the rape. and as a result most rape cases are not reported.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: b. Men, learn to accept and handle rejection well. Don’t hurt a lady because she says NO to  you. There are many other ladies who will gladly say yes.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 42. Rape  is dehumanizing & evil & it never leaves a victim d same way anymore. It comes with a package of -ve EFFECTS on VICTIMS.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 43. Some pple even go to d extent of using alcohol or drug (Rapenol) to make victims fall asleep or unconscious & rape them. EVIL!!#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 44. Its traumatizing nature has made it difficult for victims to get healed over time because of the effects it leaves on them. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 45. Now to the SURVIVORS. Yes you! You are no longer a victim, you are a SURVIVOR! #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 46. I know u may have suffered unspeakable abuses(rape) at d hands of others. But are u going to allow d tragedies to stop you? #ListenUP 1/2

@Bunmi_Sobowale: b. from possessing a positive outlook and living your life to the fullest? #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 47. Don’t you know your message is being carved out of your mess? Your mess is your message! Preach it!#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 48. Some of the greatest messages are birthed out of the greatest messes. @BishopJakes #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 49. Redeeming grace can/will make sense out of your mess.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 50. Past hurt and pain can make you bitter or better. The choice is yours.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 51. When you remain a victim of your past, you become a prisoner to your emotion and future. Are you going to permit that? #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 52. To move forward today, you must learn to say good-bye to yesterday’s hurts, tragedies & baggage. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 53. You will not be able to act and be your best, until you learn how to say goodbye to yesterday. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 54. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. So you need to celebrate your survival. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 55. Don’t allow your circumstance dictate who God has called you to be. You shld no you’re bigger than them.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 56. Look inside of you, there is something special, unique & beautiful about you, despite being raped. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 57. A survivor is a unique & special being with a special & unique destiny called to fulfil purpose. Ask @JoyceMeyer @CessoKay #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 58. You’ve been kept alive for such a time as this, despite all you passed through. Are you going to give up?#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 59. Enough of keeping quiet about this evil called rape. For how long are we going to tolerate it? #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 60. Silence kills, you need to share & release the pain inside of you. That’s your 1st step to freedom.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 61. You need to speak out. You can start this by confiding in someone(counsellor). #ListenUp


@Bunmi_Sobowale: 63. Take back your life, by dissapointing rape and the rapist.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 64. It’s time to put a leash on the dragon called rape, that has contributed in destroying a lot of destinies.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 65. When you keep quiet about evil, evil will always strive and continue to multiply.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 66. The power a rapist has over a victim is SILENCE. So speak out, voice out, raise your voice & break the silence.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 67. It’s time to rise up from where rape made you fall. Shake off the dust the rapist has put on you.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 68. You are too much & loaded to permit rape not to allow you live the life you have been called to live. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 69. Being raped is not the end of the world. There are beautiful things ahead of you to accomplish. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 70. Your life is too beautiful for you to permit any bad event/occurence to put an end or a seal on it.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 71. Enough of the tears, enough of the depression, bitterness & sadness because of your past. You are not in your past anymore.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 72. #ListenUp Survivors!!! You can win this battle within. Yes you can! With God you can. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 73. “There is healing for your abuse/rape. God still loves you despite the way you think you’ve been messed up.” #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 74. “The cycle of abuse(rape) can put a mark on one & make one vulnerable to further revictimization. So you need to break d cycle.” #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 75. “We all need to break the cycle before it comes full cycle all over again, or else it will become a generational cycle. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 76. “Rape can tamper with one’s body, soul and spirit. Its like a parasite that eats deep into one’s soul.” #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 77. “The world we live right now, is a world where the victim is treated as the rapist, and the rapist as the victim.” What an error!#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 78. “Dear survivor, its not your fault if you were abused/raped, but it is your fault if you allow it to cripple you and damage you.” #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 79. “Dear survivor, one thing I’m sure of is that you cant change where you’ve been, but you can change where you are going.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 80. “Though you were abused, that is not who you are! You’re much more than that. Don’t give the abuse permission to bruise you from living. #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 81. “God can greatly use you to restore wholeness to others who walked in varrying degrees of abuse.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 82. “For every hurt, there is a healing. The healer works on it and turn you to a healing balm that can heal other wounds.” #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 83. Let go of d anger, hate, frustration & bitterness. It will only drag u down. Don’t allow d enemy attack your destiny/femmininity.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 84. “Forgive your abuser/rapist, you need to forgive you too, so as to move on and become a better person.” #ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 85. Through this story, I started @KICKagainstRAPE which birthed #AARTalk (Abuse & Rape Talk Platform) for such a time as this!#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 86. #AARTalk takes place 7pm every Friday. Its a platform were we educate, fan out the voice of survivors & touch the broken-hearted.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 87. Today may be your day to turn the hurt and pain of your past into a breakthrough for the future.#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: 88. You are not a victim anymore. You are a SURVIVOR. You made it & you are still here for such a time as this! DON’T WASTE IT PLS!#ListenUp

@Bunmi_Sobowale: A big thank you to my sis @kemiodutayo once again, for this awesome and mind-blowing initiative. God bless you sis. Thank u all.#ListenUp 

Wow! So touching! ThankThank you so much, Bunmi for sharing with us today. Thank you for your courage to break the silence; your courage to stand up and speak out against this manace called rape and abuse. Good will perfect your healing and continue to use you as a vesselvessel to bring healing to many other SURVIVORS.

May we not fall victim of abuse in Jesus name! Make it a date, next week Friday, same time (4pm) as we bring on board #ListenUpNG, a professional psychologist to enlighten us further. Don’t miss it!

About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.