Hello friends! Finally and to God be the glory, the Maiden Edition of #ListenUpNG kicked off on twitter yesterday. It was a blast! And thought provoking too!

In case you missed the live tweetcast, follow my handle on twitter @KemiOdutayo and search for #ListenUpWk1


You can read the storify version here! Uninterrupted! Just click on the link below  

https://storify.com/kemi_odutayo/listenup-a-mentoring-twitter-event via @KemiOdutayo

You can also #ReadRestRelaxAndReflect on the compiled tweets below

1. Good evening and Happy New Year! It’s an honour to be on Listen up. #ListenUp

2. Most newlyweds enter marriage with great expectations of unending joy and happiness and this is good. #ListenUp

3. It is good to approach your life together with optimism – but optimism alone will not make a good marriage. #ListenUp

4. When couples that have been married for barely a year want to call it quits there’s an expectation problem. #ListenUp

5. They entered into marriage expecting love and passion and happiness but met tension, difficulty and dislike. #ListenUp

6. What do you do when your expectations of marriage fall terribly short? #ListenUp

7. Note that Expectations must merge with Preparation to have the marriage of your dreams. #ListenUp

8. You cannot be excited about being a successful doctor without going through the rigours of medical school. #ListenUp

9. You must understand that marriage is not only spelt LOVE; it is also spelt WORK and COMMITMENT. #ListenUp

10. You must decide to COMMIT to do the hard WORK that is required for a happy marriage. #ListenUp

11. If you don’t put in the work, your marriage will become disposable in a very short time. #ListenUp

12. There are 4 things I will share today that you have to work on if your marriage is to last. #ListenUp

13. They are Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling (or ignoring) #ListenUp

14. Before I go on, I know it is easy to find fault in your partner, but I ask u look at your own behaviour. Make this about u #ListenUp

15. Criticism. Are you overly critical of your spouse? Criticism erodes your spouse’s self-esteem. #ListenUp

16. Constantly picking at whatever your spouse does that isn’t to your liking will injure your relationship #ListenUp

17. We want to be celebrated. Constant criticism makes a person feel small. You need to stop! #ListenUp

18. Adopt an attitude of praise. Catch your spouse doing something right and praise him/her. #ListenUp

19. When you do need to point out something negative- don’t lash out in anger. Say it calmly, briefly and move on. #ListenUp

20. So make a habit of praise and an exception of criticism and there will be a lot less tension in your home. #ListenUp

21. Next, Defensiveness. Sometimes your spouse isn’t being over-critical. You are just being too defensive. #ListenUp

22. Being overly defensive hinders productive growth especially in marriage and growth is required! #ListenUp

23. One of the things you must prepare for in marriage is change! This is new territory for the 2 of you. #ListenUp

24. The dynamics of marriage are very different from singlehood or even courtship. Change is needed. #ListenUp

25. You cannot afford to insist on your own right and be uncompromising about everything. #ListenUp

26. When your spouse points out something about you that may require positive change don’t consider it an attack. #ListenUp

27. Marriage is meant to make your better. If you are willing, the changes in both of you will be positive. #ListenUp

28. So quit being so defensive. Hear your spouse out and if his/her point has some merit, be mature enough to change. #ListenUp

29. Third, Contempt. Contempt means regarding something or someone as vile or worthless. #ListenUp

30. A person who is treated with contempt feels despised, dishonoured, disrespected or disgraced. #ListenUp

31. Being treated with contempt is one of the worst things you can do to your spouse. #ListenUp

32. Your spouse is supposed to be your partner. Treat him/her no less than that at all times. #ListenUp

33. Never play up your spouse’s weaknesses. Be supportive and helpful not disdainful. #ListenUp

34. Don’t compare your spouse’s weakness with someone else’s strength. Rather be protective of your spouse. #ListenUp

35. Being contemptuous can kill your marriage quicker than anything I’ve shared so far. #ListenUp

36. It cuts to the heart of your spouse’s self-esteem and their sense of importance and identity to you. #ListenUp

37. Your spouse will interpret contempt to mean you don’t value him/her and it will break his/her heart. #ListenUp

38. Finally- Stonewalling. This is an advanced form of malice, which means you shut your spouse out. #ListenUp

39. Building high emotional walls that shut your spouse out of your life send the message that you would rather be single. #ListenUp

40. If you value your marriage, let your spouse in- even when it hurts. Nobody can build a home with a brick wall. #ListenUp

41. Sometimes we build walls so we won’t have to fight forgetting that by doing so we ARE fighting.#ListenUp

42. Bring down those walls, engage with your spouse honestly and openly and work towards change. #ListenUp

43. The road to building back your marriage could be a tough one- but it will be well worth it. #ListenUp

44. Please don’t call it quits. Do the work required and with God’s help you can have the happy ending you desire. #ListenUp

45. Thanks for having me on#ListenUpWk1. I hope these thoughts have been of help. God bless! #ListenUp

Don’t throw in the towel on that marriage! You can turn things around for better with God’s wisdom. Seek the help of a therapist if need be. Give it your best shot!

Till my next post…let’s be deliberate about our relationships!

About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.