A #RealLifeStory of an Adulterous Relationship.
We talk a lot about the OTHER WOMAN. In this session on #ThisThingCalledMarriageNG we will be sharing A REAL LIFE STORY from a member of this group about how God helped and delivered her. How she broke free from an adulterous relationship. I believe strongly that God wants to deliver many like her. NO CONDEMNATION WHATSOEVER. This is a SUPPORT GROUP and I know ladies go through stuffs. This is a story of a young naive girl that made the wrong decisions which eventually cost her her relationship with her family.
I hope to share with us soon, the testimony of another member; how things can go wrong even for a matured married woman. Some of us made the unwise decision of seeking succour outside our matrimonial home.
Right now, lets #ReadRestAndRelax so we can learn, unlearn and relearn godly tips on how not to fall into temptation despite how unpalatable situation at home is.???? God will help us…as #WiseLadies we need to learn how to nip things in the bud before we make mistakes we will forever regret. NB: Its a long read, get ready. Happy reading!????
Yes I consider this a testimony. Not proud of what I did but I believe I went through it for a reason to bless others. I was born and raise in a Christian home. Deeper Life and Apostolic; real Pentecostal background. Daughter of a deacon and a deaconess.
At age 16, I and my friends looked up to our youth leader. He was understanding, cool, also lead praise and worship in church, educated and more. He was the “cool” adults that we run too. He understand us better than our parents. We go to him for relationship issues; he tells us the biblical part without judging us. He takes the youth out for road trips and many more. Parents trusted their children with “Uncle L.” I and uncle L started getting closer than any other youth. He called me his sister. I felt more special. He picks me up for youth/choir meetings and drops me home after. He favored me among others; soon we were called brothers and sisters.
Now at age 17; Uncle L started criticizing my boyfriend. Tells me his not good for me and I need to focus more on my education. He tells me I deserve better. On one of the many youth trips, we went to a water park. He only took few youth that were close to him, including his sister. I started feeling funny with him. He held me differently and I liked it. I liked the attention and the special treatment I received. On our way back, everyone was sleeping in the car. He started starring me down from the window. I was fighting what I was feeling and the vibe I was getting from him. I thought NO, his a deacon, youth leader, praise and worship leader, has a fiancé, 11years older, maybe I’m joking.
Fast forward few days or a week; I was having problems with school. I had to withdraw one of my classes and was scared to tell my parents. Off course, I called Uncle L. He picks me up, comforted me, and told me exactly why I don’t need boyfriends that distract me. We ended up in his house after buying takeout food. One thing led to another we started kissing and making out. I couldn’t believe it. Uncle L is kissing me. He said he loves me and want to marry me. I’m not a fling. I asked about his fiancé; he told me that she was forced on me because she was also a youth leader from another parish. . He said he does not love her and will cut off their relationship.
So at 17, I and Uncle L who was 28 started dating. We had sex few months later and it continue from there. I was so in love with him. He showed me life in all angle. We talked about children and marriage together.
Side note: He’s finance family and my parents were close friends. He’s fiancé was my father’s spiritual daughter.
While our relationship was going on; my father was advocating for he’s fiancé. The family said he wasn’t treating her right; keeping different women. My dad had a meeting with him that he should hurry and marry her. What was he waiting for; they’re both educated and successful.
On her graduation day; off course my family was invited. I had to watch them together and all. I was upset and jealous. He begged me; told me it was just to shut his mother up; that his mother has begged him not to disgrace her. Also her aunty and his mother went to school together. After that I told him, I can no longer be a side chick. If he want to be with her he can go ahead or pick me. His response was for us to elope.
At 18 plus, I was scared. The thought of eloping and marrying the love of my life was thrilling but I know my parents will hate me forever. I said I wanted to finish my university first. Then he turns it around that I’m the one not ready. We played that game off and on for another year.
During the year, he broke up with her. My dad and others will intervene. They got back together but he told me she was forcing herself on him with the encouragement of his mother and her aunty. Eventually, after pastors, parents including my dad intervention, wedding was plan. He said it was her mother and the lady planning wedding. Wedding was announced in church.
Now I’m 19; I should be smarter right? I told him, I understand he loves me but obviously the forces against us is more than us including my dad. I supported him through the wedding in plan. Everyone knew me as his sister; most are suspecting and rumors going around the church. To prove them wrong, I had to support 100%. Help sell aso-ebi. I was in the bridal train. My dad was the chairman of the wedding. Wedding day came; I can’t even describe how I felt on the wedding day.
After the wedding and wedding thanksgiving; I went home and decided it was officially over. I cried and cried. I couldn’t share with anyone. Two or three days after; I saw a strange number appeared on my phone. I picked up; it was Uncle L from Jamaica on his honey moon. Begging that he has offended me. He will explain when he comes back. I could not reply much because my dad was next to me. When he called again; angrily I didn’t pick up.
Next day, he emailed, I didn’t respond. Monday after he returned; he texted me that he was waiting for me in the parking lot of my university.I finally picked up his call. He begged me to hear him out. So I enter his car; drove me to “our talking spot.” He told me he was charmed by his mother and his wife’s aunty; and his wife knew about it but was desperate. I told him he was lying. Yes we all know his mother is a club woman; so she is capable but not his wife. She is a God fearing sister. Somehow he convinced me she knew. He said he was ready to divorce her in less than a month. I told him I don’t want to be responsible for divorce because I believe divorce is a sin. Uncle convinced me that the marriage was not acceptable by God because he was manipulated to marry her through juju. I didn’t believe he was saying the truth until few weeks after he showed me documents for divorce; that he had contacted his attorney. I was shocked. That wedding was the biggest wedding during that time; thousands of money was spent.
That was the beginning of my adulterous relationship. I started sleeping with a married man. Something I never thought I will ever do in my life. We continued for another year. He told me she refused to sign the divorce paper. My friends started calling me foolish. So I broke with him off and on. He begged me to be more patient. One day, he finally brought the signed divorced paper. I was happy that I can now be with the love of my life. He told me she begged him to sleep with her once and then she will let him go. He said he slept with her out of desperation to get the paper signed so I won’t leave him. I was upset but quickly forgave.
Few months after she was heavily pregnant. A friend saw her at the mall and told me. I called Uncle, he said he had no idea; by this time he had moved out of the house supposedly. Few days after, he said they called him for a family meeting where she told him he was responsible for the pregnancy from that one night only. I told him, that is it. I have had it all. First, marriage and child; I’m 20 years old, I can find husband now. This bondage since I was 17, no more. My friends were proud of me. Lo and behold; few month after we continue o. He said all his taking was his child. He want a chance to be with his love moi. I finished college, graduated. I applied for master’s program and moved to another state. Church, parents and others have started questioning the relationship seriously. I had a big fight with my father and so many more.
So, I thought the best way to leave my father’s house respectfully is by schooling in another State. After I relocated, I tried to cut him off and start a fresh but he knew and flew down. He begged and said we can now set date for wedding. I told him I don’t want shame wedding. His parent has to agree and asked my hand even if my father refuses. I spoke with dad and somehow his mother came around. She apologized and told me it was her fault he married his ex.; that now she believed in our love and will support us. That did it. Don’t know if she was bribe for that moment by him.
Fast forward; I finally told my mother the truth. I told her we were marrying in court that August. He spoke with her and told her his in love with me…blah blah. My mother started crying, curse him and hanged up the phone. That night my father sent me and email; cursed me and disowned me. Told me never to come near my younger ones until they are old enough to decide. Uncle consoled me that they will come around….went about 8 months without my family contacting me. I send messages to my younger ones through my friends from church .
On my 23rd birthday, I was expecting him. At the airport, he said he saw my mother and aunty. I thought it was a prank. Lo and beh, my mother and aunty was live in my apartment. I was pissed and angry. Wondering why they visited; expecting my love not them. He had to get a hotel. They knew I was not surprise and wonder why. Told them Uncle L saw them at the airport. My mother was looking at me like wonder. I interacted more with my aunty. During that weekend; they had a meeting with both of us. He confessed his love for me to my mother and aunty. I was proud. I told them too, I love him and we are getting married soon if they want to come. My mother told him he was a devil servant from pit of hell. Begged him to leave her daughter and free me. Oh, they said his wife had another baby and it was his. He denied it in front of them. That she was a free woman and can get pregnant to anyone she feels like. They left and headed to the airport.
My sisters, I don’t think my mother have reached her destination when God began to do his works. Uncle L and I went back to the hotel he was staying. Off course after another round of sex, he slept off. He was set to leave the next day. I decided to upload our pics from the weekend so he can have it. God began his work. I saw pics of him, wife, belly, and first child enjoying family time and many more.
It’s like a veil removed from my eyes. When he woke up, he knew something was wrong. I just wanted to wait till he leaves but couldn’t. I showed him everything but as usual Uncle L has a response and excuse for everything. But for some awesome reason, I wasn’t moved. Not this time!!! I didn’t bulge. He must have saw it in my eyes. He purposely missed his flight. He came back to my apartment. He said he wanted to kill himself if I don’t marry him. After all so he can let me be; I said okay we’ll work it out; but I was so done and knew no more. I stop picking his call or will respond to one or two out of thirty calls in a day.
Thursday after that weekend I spoke with my present husband for the first time briefly not knowing he will be my husband. I called my mother and thanked her for the visit; told her the good news; I was done with him. She was the happiest human being alive; even though they were not sure I was serious. Uncle L came back the next weekend; started stalking me, hacked into my email, facebook to monitor who I was talking with. My father contacted his lawyer, advise me to get a restraining order; before he finally left me.
Six years after, I’m married and have a child. It was not easy but God in his infinite mercy delivered me from adulterous relationship. With my praying parents especially my mother, I was delivered. My mother later told me that weekend, her and my aunty prayed and anointed all my belongs while I was out with Uncle L. God is faithful. Now I can look back and thank God. I’m not proud of my past but grateful I can be a blessing to others through my experience.
With the help of my pastor I was able to restitute as well. I called Uncle L’s wife to apologize three years ago. She actually apologized for my wasted youth. Yes, my youth was wasted indeed, 17-23years; but I came out of it. I came out gloriously. I didn’t marry at 50 like they predicted. God didn’t punish me that way. Oh, I received the consequence of my sin but it was a slap on the wrist in comparison. God still remain faithful.
Yes, uncle L is still clubbing every weekend with same youth he taught years ago. My friend’s younger sisters see him in clubs. He brings different girls every weekend. Last year his wife was in the news due to his first daughter cure of sickle cell anemia via bone marrow of the younger daughter. He was not even in the interview. His name was not mentioned. It was just her and the two girls. That’s the man I would have ended up with. A man that is not there for his daughter that has a chronic disease.
After the physical relationship ended; then sexual and emotional battle came in. My husband is only two years older than I. I compared uncle to hubby for years. I called my hubby small boy, immature and many more. I will just sit and day dream about Uncle L. First year with hubby there is no day I won’t direct or indirectly mention uncle L. One day my hubby said no more. I’m done; i have tried. Go back to him. We resolved it and I knew if I didn’t want to lose him I had to stop. But it wasn’t resolved in my heart. I started counseling with Pastor for months. I had to pray on my own to love my husband. Gradually I started loving him; even now it’s too much.
Sexually, in the beginning I had several dreams of him sleeping with me or another man. My husband and I will pray and end up having sex. One day my hubby travelled and the dream happened again. I woke up and called him; as God will have it he had same dream watching me have sex with a man. My hubby called my dad; my dad had similar dream seeing me naked. Both men fasted, I joined and since then I was free of him sexually.
Thank you all for reading my super story. I pray if anyone on this platform is in any adulterous relationship please, let loose; share with Pastor Kemi and God will deliver you IJN. I’m now a proud wife, mother, born again Christian, Sunday school teacher for kids, drama group member and a prayer warrior for the church. Can you believe it? God can deliver you too.