2017 #ListenUpNG Wk7: WHEN HE FALLS INTO ADULTERY

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#ListenUpNG Valentine has come and gone!???? Unfortunately, some couples are still in the same rut they were in before the season. Why?

#ListenUpNG For some, probably because the love between husband and wife has gone sour due to infidelity.

#ListenUpNG And for others, the sense of betrayal and the inability to trust again are the culprit.

Today on #ListenUpNG join me as i host Dele Agbogun, a family life advocate as he tweet on ‘WHEN HE FALLS INTO ADULTERY’!

#ListenUpNG In this session, we will see how we can get ourselves out of the ditches our marriages have fallen into. Let’s see how we can love again! #ReadRestAndReflect on these tweets

1. I want to thank Mrs. Kemi Odutayo for having me on this platform. #ListenUpNG

2. I also want to welcome all participants to this week’s edition of ListenUp. #ListenUpNG

3. Adultery is such an act that is becoming alarming in families. #ListenUpNG

4. Adultery in simple terms means voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and another person who is not his or her spouse. #ListenUpNG

5. Other synonyms of adultery are; infidelity, unfaithfulness, disloyalty among others. #ListenUpNG

6. Adultery happens from either or both partners depending on how it is played up in the home. #ListenUpNG

7. It could either be the man, woman or in other cases both parties. #ListenUpNG

8. Early in life, I always wonder why people have to indulge in this act. #ListenUpNG

9. Sometimes I judge them harshly and felt they are from another world. #ListenUpNG

10. As I matured over the years, I started looking at the same scenario more objectively than mere reacting. #ListenUpNG

11. I asked, what outcome will mere reacting bring? #ListenUpNG

12. If I see the missing dots and I’s that another person is not seeing, the least I could do is to make the person see it and allowed to make the decision. #ListenUpNG

13. Extra-marital affair, whether it is physical or emotional, has devastating effects on marriages after the exposure. #ListenUpNG

14. Statistics showed that about 46% of men and 25% of women will engage in extra-marital affairs during their life time. #ListenUpNG

15. The inevitable consequence of extra-marital affairs can destroy the family life completely. #ListenUpNG

16. The inevitable consequence of extra-marital affairs can destroy the family life completely. #ListenUpNG

17. Restoring a healthy home after experiencing the trauma of adultery will take a while. #ListenUpNG

18. However, in some cases, some homes never get re-united. #ListenUpNG

19. Therefore, it is best to strictly stick to the cliché that says, ‘Prevention is better than cure’. #ListenUpNG

20. It is wiser to work on its prevention than having to fix the broken pieces together. #ListenUpNG

21. The question is, “Why not avoid it?” A broken egg is practically impossible to put back to its original form. #ListenUpNG

22. Before you walk that path, it is important you think twice before falling into it. #ListenUpNG

23. The initial feeling of adultery (infidelity) may seem satisfying. #ListenUpNG

24. It is only temporarily enjoyed because it forces you to live a life of lies in order to keep the secret from your spouse. #ListenUpNG

25. This subject is adequately dealt with on a five part article on my blog; www.senseportal.org #ListenUpNG

26. I also have 2 to 3 minutes videos on YouTube that addresses the subject of infidelity ( Channel: Dele Agbogun). #ListenUpNG

27. There was an interesting case I once handled. #ListenUpNG

28. The couple in question lived in separate locations. In this scenario, the man was the one who fell into adultery. #ListenUpNG

29. The wife decided to visit the husband, but she was shocked to discover that her husband secretly engages in an extra marital affair. #ListenUpNG

30. She was devastated and confused about how to handle it.

31. She was so depressed that she decided to get in touch with me for counseling. #ListenUpNG

32. Obviously, she was hurt and wondered how she could ever get to trust him again? #ListenUpNG

33. It was a tough session, but at the end of the counseling sessions, she was willing to give the husband a second chance. #ListenUpNG

34. The man in question really felt bad, and admitted that he saw it coming. #ListenUpNG

35. Unfortunately, he kept it to himself and gradually and eventually fell into adultery. #ListenUpNG

36. On the part of the wife, she agreed to my counsel of forgiving him. #ListenUpNG

37. She saw the higher need to keep her home than condemning her husband, especially when she saw genuine remorse. #ListenUpNG

38. She allowed God to work on her heart to begin to trust him again, against the difficult position she found herself. #ListenUpNG

39. Today, I am happy because their love is fully restored, enjoying bliss. #ListenUpNG

40. What made it work out was the fact that both parties were willing and they made it happen over time. #ListenUpNG

41. Remember, it is not all cases in a scenario like this that end well. #ListenUpNG

42. Frankly speaking, Infidelity doesn’t just happen. Oftentimes, it evolves without adultery in view. #ListenUpNG

43. When physical interaction starts and boundaries are not strictly set for someone other than your wife, it is usually difficult to control. #ListenUpNG

44. This becomes difficult because you have entered into oxytocin mode where you are overshadowed by emotional feelings. #ListenUpNG

45. These feelings can take you across boundary lines if not monitored. #ListenUpNG

46. This is because the momentum had been built over time. #ListenUpNG

47. The provision has also not been put in place to curtail the wild fire these feelings bring along. #ListenUpNG

48. Most times, It is only when the deed has been carried out that it becomes crystal clear to the parties how it was wrong for them to be involved in such act. #ListenUpNG

49. Sadly in some cases, if the reason encouraging this bonding persists, the act continues until probably the wife gets to know. #ListenUpNG

50. This will in turn degenerate the marriage relationship and possibly break the home as it is in some cases. #ListenUpNG

51. What exactly can we say is responsible for men that fall into the act of adultery? #ListenUpNG

52. a. Unhappy home where the wife doesn’t give adequate attention to her husband. #ListenUpNG

53. b. Unfulfilled sexual desires by the husband:

54. Most newly married couples have high expectations, especially in the area of care and sex. #ListenUpNG

55. After getting married, reality sets in and the parties realized over time that marital life is more than sex and romance. #ListenUpNG

56. The subject of love language is also an added factor.

57. If it is not mastered, it has potential of creating misunderstanding between husband and wife. #ListenUpNG

58. When misunderstanding is not well-handled, it makes either or both parties vulnerable. #ListenUpNG

59. Someone else outside who doesn’t mind dating a married man can successfully make him fall into adultery. #ListenUpNG

60. c. Poor management of conflicts. #ListenUpNG

61. The everyday issues and trials are; differences in opinions, inability to overlook small issues and lack of flexibility. #ListenUpNG

62. When these are poorly managed, it can also push your man out of the house. #ListenUpNG

63. d. Unguarded feelings disguised in the form of likeness towards a spouse’s caring friend or colleagues. #ListenUpNG

64. When as husbands, you let down your guard in your relationship with opposite sex, you can become vulnerable. #ListenUpNG

65. It all begins with stopping by to say hello to enjoying each other’s company. #ListenUpNG

66. Sharing intimate things, missing each other and wanting each other. #ListenUpNG

67. Most times, your subconscious nudges you that what you are about getting into is wrong. #ListenUpNG

68. But at the same time, there is a strong emotional pull from within that seems to have an overwhelming hold on you. #ListenUpNG

69. This act when allowed to linger gets to a stage where adultery starts. #ListenUpNG

70. e. Inadequate or unfulfilled sexual experience. #ListenUpNG

71. The different libido level between husband and wife has the tendency to create dissatisfaction. #ListenUpNG

72. When your husband is the one with higher libido, he will feel frustrated, especially when dissatisfaction is consistent. #ListenUpNG

73. If you are not sensitive to bring this up for discussion, the frustrated husband might consider reaching out. #ListenUpNG

74. You are each other’s best pals. Leave no room for secrecy. #ListenUpNG

75. Am I encouraging that this is antidotes to unfulfilled sexual desires? #ListenUpNG

76. Absolutely not. It shouldn’t be used as a means of justifying falling into adultery. #ListenUpNG

77. You are not created to live lonely lives. #ListenUpNG

78. You are created for association because you are a social being. #ListenUpNG

79. This human nature therefore longs for friendship in fellow humans. #ListenUpNG

80. We might say that couples are meant to be faithful and loyal to one another. #ListenUpNG

81. However, the truth is, it will always take two committed people to kick adultery out of the home. #ListenUpNG

82. When this happens, how can the wife handle this?

83. Oftentimes, the experience of having a man fall into adultery has serious emotional implications. #ListenUpNG

84. When you as a wife discover such act, it puts you in a position of sheer anguish, anger, distrust, humiliation and disappointment. #ListenUpNG

85. This part seems difficult to imagine. The wife will feel cheated, made to imagine whether she is not valuable enough for her man. #ListenUpNG

86. Your mind constantly laser-guides your husband; you can’t just help thinking of who is with him when you are not together. #ListenUpNG

87. What is the best way out of this hurt and disappointment? #ListenUpNG

88. How can you rebuild trust again? #ListenUpNG

89. a. Allow God to step in to heal you. The hurt, I must admit can go beyond what you can humanly handle. #ListenUpNG

90. At this stage, you may want to take decision that is considered best but it is not what you can easily or logically handle. #ListenUpNG

91. Logically assessing this, you might want to do the unthinkable which is quite understandable. #ListenUpNG

92. One thing i have realised over time is that it doesn’t often end well. #ListenUpNG

93. The drastic and emotionally-driven decisions are usually disastrous, making things uglier than they were. #ListenUpNG

94. b. Give yourself time for the healing process. #ListenUpNG

95. Imagine someone who mistakenly step on a sharp nail and got his/her foot injured by the metallic object. #ListenUpNG

96. During that moment of removing the nail, a sharp pain is experienced. Even after the nail is pulled out, the pain still lingers. #ListenUpNG

97. The joy of it is that the healing process starts from that point. #ListenUpNG

98. The fact that the pain still exists is not a proof that healing has not begun. #ListenUpNG

99. The wound will go through its natural healing process and be nursed over time, and then it will gradually heal. #ListenUpNG

100. Medical practitioner once enlightened me that when someone has nasal congestion known as catarrh, there is a way it runs its natural course. #ListenUpNG

101. No matter the drugs you use, though may bring a bit of comfort, the catarrh will still run its course. #ListenUpNG

102. c. Assess the situation objectively. This might be difficult to do, especially when the incidence is still fresh. #ListenUpNG

103. When you allow time, the annoying and emotionally-cloudy mind gradually clears. #ListenUpNG

104. When your mind is clear, you are in a better frame of mind to make right judgment. #ListenUpNG

105. When this assessment is carried out, it tends to give you reason(s) to give room for second chance. #ListenUpNG

106. I know of a couple where the husband falls into adultery. #ListenUpNG

107. The man cheated on the wife and when the case got to me, all my questioning revealed that the guy has been starved of sex for a prolonged period. #ListenUpNG

108. I am not encouraging married men to fall into similar temptation when wives starve them. This should not be used as justification for such action. #ListenUpNG

109. Looking at the flip side of this story, i will appeal that wives are sensitive to this. #ListenUpNG

110. You might not be able to meet up with your husband’s libido level, but let it be seen that you are making effort towards it. #ListenUpNG

111. Busy schedule, lack of affection towards your husband and different libido levels might make a wife not as sexually active as the husband. #ListenUpNG

112. My advice, just as your work is sometimes tiring, still you carry out your official obligation towards your employer, just to live above board. #ListenUpNG

113. In the same vein, make sex a priority, especially when you have a sexually active husband. #ListenUpNG

114. d. Forgiveness. Forgiving heart accommodates wrong.

115. I know this will also take time, but it is the antidote for depression and bitterness towards your husband. #ListenUpNG

116. Tips For Husbands Willing To Rebuild Trust: #ListenUpNG

117. a. Put an end to it. #ListenUpNG

118. b. Be open to talk about it. #ListenUpNG

119. c. Accept responsibility. #ListenUpNG

120. d. Be accountable. #ListenUpNG

121. Thank you once again Mrs Kemi Odutayo for having me on this platform. Great job I must say. #ListenUpNG

122. I believe this will be of help to someone out there. #ListenUpNG

123. Don’t let it end here. Seek for counseling and make your home accountable to a family you love. #ListenUpNG

124. We will all enjoy bliss in our homes. #ListenUpNG

125. Get into my world through; @deleagbogun, www.senseportal.org and instagram: bamideleagbogun #ListenUpNG

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