#ListenUpNG 28: WHEN SHE EARNS MORE

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#ListenUpNG Wk28 with our guest Yinka Ogunnubi @yinkanubi was awesome. He tweeted on another crucial #RealLifeIssue in relationships; finance as it relates to men ~ WHEN SHE EARNS MORE

#ReadRestRelaxAndReflect on the compilation below. You can also browse through the blog to read other other men related issues that has been addressed in this series. Happy reading!

#ListenUpNG @yinkanubi is a Husband, Father, Financial Analyst and Man-Centric as he often described himself. He is the Author of the personal finance book “Honey is it in the Budget”. @yinkanubi is also a Trainer, Facilitator and a Public Speaker in high demand.

Join me as I welcome @yinkanubi on board #ListenUpNG Wk28! Get ready for a #MindsetMakeover

Thank you @KemiOdutayo for inviting me once again to your platform. #ListenUpNG Starts Now!

1. When @KemiOdutayo gave me this topic, I knew she was setting me up cos she knew dat I wld be hosting tomorrow a men’s hangout #ListenUpNG

3. 1st let’s start by establishing some context why this is an important topic & one which’s getting prevalent in present times. #ListenUpNG

4. Contrary to what d development sector wld want us to believe, data actually shows that women are making significant progress #ListenUpNG

5. Women are making significant progress on several fronts. u merely have to look at certain gender indicators to see d picture #ListenUpNG

6. Females are beating males in sch enrolments in d south & improving in d north. Borrowing from Fin institutns are increasing. #ListenUpNG

7. Women participation in biz ownership is increasing while the climb up the corporate ladder is happening at a faster pace. #ListenUpNG

8. When you juxtapose that with the record number of men losing their jobs, you get the idea that what we see now …. #ListenUpNG

9. i.e..(the issue of the wife earning more), is only a reflection of the progress of women on several front. #ListenUpNG

10. In fact the World Bank data shows that the percentage of female bread winners jumped by 21% between 2011 and 2014. #ListenUpNG

11. Women are increasing taking more responsibility of being providers in their homes in addition to domestic responsibilities. #ListenUpNG

12. The question we should ask is – “is this by choice or by force”?. Does she accept this responsibility cos she wants to or she has to?#ListenUpNG

13. Why is this an issue for men in the first place? Again we take a look at the data to help us understand this better. #ListenUpNG

14. According to the “Being a man in Nigeria report”, 6 out of 10 men believe a man has no value if he doesn’t have an income. #ListenUpNG

15. While 9 in 10 men believe a wife must OBEY her husband in ALL Things and that they must have the final word in the marriage. #ListenUpNG

16. So there lies d prob. The majority of men believe their value as a man is directly linked to their ability to earn an income #ListenUpNG

17. and the vast majority of men also believe they hold supreme right over on their woman. Her body parts inclusive. #ListenUpNG

18. So you can understand why the notion of a woman earning more income can be seen as offensive to the vast majority of men. #ListenUpNG

19. Myles Monroe it was that said “When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”. Very Profound. #ListenUpNG

20. Ultimately, the fundamental resolution of this subject is directly linked to the understanding of the purpose of marriage. #ListenUpNG

21. If we can understand d purpose of marriage, it can help us challenge d norms making issue of female bread winners offensive #ListenUpNG

22.Let’s consider at a few principles. #ListenUpNG

23.1. Marriage fundamentally is a union of two equals. It is not the joining of a “Weaker” vessel to a “Stronger” Vessel. #ListenUpNG

24. By the way, this goes both ways. It is not only the problem of the male, it is also an issue for the female. #ListenUpNG

25. The prevailing mindset is 1 that believes the role of d woman in is limited to just being a “supporter” in terms of income #ListenUpNG

26. Thus the reality of a woman being the main provider is demonstrated by women in ways that appears to validated in men… #ListenUpNG

27….the reason why a woman should never be in that capacity. #ListenUpNG

28. 2.Value is not necessarily reflected in Cash. One of d travesty of our age is d evaluation of worth only according to “Cash” #ListenUpNG

29. This is fundamentally flawed. The worth of a man & woman shdn’t be determined in cash, but according to the value they bring #ListenUpNG

30.In d corporate world, some partners are allotted equity not bcos of cash they bring 2d table but as per their technical value #ListenUpNG

31. In the same way, there are several value a man and woman can bring to a relationship that is more valuable than cash. #ListenUpNG

32. Allow me to use this illustration. The Yoruba’s have a song that says Iya ni wura iyebiye Ti a ko le f’owora. #ListenUpNG

33. (Translatn) Mother is a precious gold, That can’t be purchased with money). Why do we say this? Is this true? Of course Yes #ListenUpNG

34. A mother’s value is not determined by how much money she has but how much she cares for her husband and her family. #ListenUpNG

35. In OtherWords, motherly care is sufficient Value that measures greater than cash & like any value it can be exchanged for cash #ListenUpNG

36. The problem I have found out is not whether a woman earns more than the man, it is usually whether the man is ready to … #ListenUpNG

37… trade in the lack of cash for value in other areas of equal or higher value. #ListenUpNG

38. For instance has the man develop capacity to solve problems for the woman and the family in areas of common interest? #ListenUpNG

39. If you can’t compete with cash, maybe you can compete in the arena of ideas, planning and solving problems for the woman. #ListenUpNG

40.The last principle i’ll mention is that of “Finding comfort in ur own skin”. Some men can’t handle d fact that she earns more #ListenUpNG

41. As much as they try, they just can’t move beyond that mental block. What such men really suffer from is “Low Self-Esteem”. #ListenUpNG

42.They’ve linked their sense of fulfillment to their ability to earn more. Shd tide change, what follows are huge esteem issues #ListenUpNG

43. But its a fundamentally flawed mentality. I’ve met men married to strong women, who do not feel in the slightest intimidated #ListenUpNG

44. Why? Because their sense of personality is so self-assured that they are not intimidated by the success of their wives. #ListenUpNG

45. My wife today runs her own business but at d later part of her career, she earned more than me. It was never an issue for me #ListenUpNG

46. Why? bcos we’ve a single vision which we worked towards and I never shied away from my responsibility to her and the family. #ListenUpNG

47. So allow me summaries this. There is absolutely nothing wrong in a woman earning more than you. Life Happens to all of us. #ListenUpNG

48. But 1. Understand that marriage is about the union of two equals coming together to work towards a common vision and goal. #ListenUpNG

49.2. Determine ur worth not necessarily by cash but by value u bring to the table. Mind u, this also includes emotional capital #ListenUpNG

50. Remember, If you can’t compete in cash, you can try to compete in other areas of value as well. #ListenUpNG

51. And finally, be confident in your capacity as a man to lead in your home. Be comfortable in your own skin. #ListenUpNG

52. At the end of the day, this one thing is true – YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE THAN YOU THINK. #ListenUpNG

53. Thank you @KemiOdutayo and keep up the good work. #ListenUpNG

Host: Wow! I recommend this to every man. You are more than this! Yinka Ogunnubi had said it all!

Watch out for the next session on #ListenUpNG next week Friday by 4pm

#RealLifeIssue ~ WHEN THINGS FALL APART. Hmm. Oftentimes when things fall apart in a relationship, it seems the men easily succumb to emotional pressure. It seems they throw in the towel so easily. Why? What and how best can they deal with issues…WHEN THINGS FALL APART.

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