#ListenUpNG Wk5: IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES IN MARRIAGE BY YOMI FAWEHINMI

Hi, beautiful people! TGIF, as I count it a great honor to bring to you #ListenUpNG Wk5. This is the last session of the JANUARY EDITION.

Our guest, YOMI FAWEHINMI is a man of #Faith #Experience and great #Depth. See below the compiled tweets for your uninterrupted reading. #ReadRestRelaxAndReflect on these!

“We are discussing differences today. Thanks for joining us on #listenUp

They say variety is the spice of life. Life thrives on variety. Ecology balance is based on difference. #listenUp

Diversity is the basis for living. Imagine a world where we are all the same. Boring! #listenUp

Successful teams are based on differences. A striker is different from a midfielder #listenUp

A goalkeeper is different from a defender. Imagine a team of entirely strikers. They will strike themselves   #listenUp

Since marriage is also a team, you are different from your spouse. If your spouse is the same as you, you don’t need him/her #listenUp

Remember, opposites attract. But if they are not wise, they later attack #listenUp So how do we deal with the differences? #listenUp

1. Accept your spouse is not like you #listenUp

2. Understand your spouse’s difference. Some you like, some you don’t care about, and some you dislike #listenUp

3. Understand your spouse’s difference. Some of the differences made him or her attractive to you. Abi I lie?  #listenUp

4. Accept your spouse – both the assets and liabilities. Your spouse is human; humans have frailties and faults #listenUp

5. In case you didn’t hear, YOUR SPOUSE IS HUMAN; HUMANS HAVE FRAILITIES AND FAULTS #listenUp

Yorubas say, you don’t kill a dog for barking. Dogs bark. Humans have liabilities #listenUp

Yorubas also say, you don’t kill a ram for fighting. Rams fight. Humans have liabilities #listenUp

Note these: 1. Celebrate the differences you like. Praise her for it, allow her manifest it and ensure it blossoms #listenUp

2. Talk with her or him about the differences  you dislike. Talk not fight ooo. Please listen & seek understanding #listenUp

3. Learn about the issue you dislike . Understand. Seek a new perspective. It may not be as bad as you think #listenUp

A lady came for counsel. She believed her husband snores on purpose… to annoy her. She believed he is a wicked man for snoring  #listenUp

I explained that snoring could be a medical condition… she never knew. Her husband is fat. I told her that could explain it . #listenUp

Don’t hate what you don’t understand. Seek understanding #listenUp

A man was annoyed with his wife because she failed in 3 businesses she started. I told him entrepreneurs fail at least 7 times  #listenUp

After talking, If your spouse decides to change, offer your support. Allow her to make the decision to change. Don’t ‘byforce’ her #listenUp

If your spouse wants to change, offer your support. Help your spouse make changes. Pray, provide resources, show understanding #listenUp

If the difference remains in spite of your talk you may have to accept it. Be real- some of your spouse’s differences will NEVER change. #listenUp

Remember it’s difficult to teach a new dog new tricks. Okay your spouse is not a dog but you can’t easily teach people new things #listenUp

Accept and develop coping strategies. Accepting his/her difference don’t show you are a weakling.  It’s proof of your maturity #listenUp

God doesn’t leave us because of our issues. Rather he provides strength. Be Godly, don’t leave your spouse because of a difference #listenUp

Once you accept it, develop coping strategies. One coping strategy is not to focus on the differences. What you focus on becomes BIG  #listenUp

Also you should see the positives in it. E.g though your spouse’s slow pace may annoy you, slow-paced people rarely makes mistakes #listenUp

My wife can decide in a split second. Me, I decide in a split decade or millennium. Both of us had to develop coping strategies.  #listenUp

That used to cause wahala. Now we have both adjusted. When the consequences don’t matter, she decides. If consequences are many, I decide #listenUp

I also had to leverage my slowness in decision-making with precision. That’s not a wahala when you serve Jehovah el precise #listenUp

Bible verses to help: 1. “Be kind and compassionate to each other, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”Eph4:32 #listenUp

2.  But the fruit of the spirit is …. Gentleness. Galatians 5:22 #listenUp 3.  …“he that is without sin, should cast the first stone”.  #listenUp

Finally
1. Remember, A covenant of commitment and acceptance is a powerful secret to lifelong love. #listenUp

2. You also have issues. Be fair to your spouses’ issues #listenUp

3. You need to accept and develop coping strategies #listenUp

4. Don’t focus on the issue. What you focus on becomes bigger #listenUp

5. Divorce is not an option #listenUp There are no Irreconcilable differences. There are only people who chose not to reconcile their differences  #listenUp

You are a problem solver, a solution provider and a crisis manager. Don’t only use that at work. Use this at home to handle your differences too #listenUp

I need to stop. May the Lord help us all. Don’t fight the difference. Understand it. Accept it. Cope with it. Your home is blessed #listenUp –

Tweets by Yomi Fawehinmi @yomitheprof W

Wow! Insightful! Thanks so much for the parting words – “Don’t fight the difference. Understand it. Accept it. Cope with it” and indeed, “There are no Irreconcilable differences. There are only people who chose not to reconcile their differences” – Yomi Fawehinmi

Wow! FOOD FOR THOUGHT for both married and singles: Your partner is coming into that marriage/relationship with different ‘BAGGAGES’. Are you ready to unpack with him/ her?

Until you can answer that question in the affirmative, your relationship will be saddled with challenges! This brings us to the end of #ListenUp JANUARY EDITION! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

Friends, please remember that a Special Edition of #ListenUpNG, ELECTION/VALENTINE EDITION comes up Feb 14th 6am and 6pm. It promises to be one of its kind! Keep your fingers crossed for the topics and our guest speakers.

About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.