#ListenUpNG Wk17: HOW TO LOVE WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE LEAVING

Hello friends! Read the compiled tweets of #ListenUp Wk17 by @BridgetElesin below. I tried to put in as many comments, questions and answers taken during the live tweetcast to give you the robust picture.

Get Ready to learn, unlearn and relearn what you think you know about love and marriage! This post might seem lengthy but I tell you, it’s a MUST READ. We all have more at stake!

@BridgetElesin  Nay, they didn’t! The ‘…and they live happily ever after’ is what we know #ListenUp

Marriage may start wt love, but you need more than love 2 stay married! U need to be “intentional” 2 stay married. @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

Love by man’s definition is selfish, and so the feeling to leave when “love” is shaky can be overwhelming!  @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

Some of d factors dt can make married pple to leave instead of keeping to their vows & loving are Abandonment, Abuse; Affairs. #ListenUp.

Some of d factors dt can make married pple to leave instead of keeping to their vows & loving are Abandonment, Abuse & Affairs. #ListenUp.

Abandonment can b classified under many headings;financial,physical etc.when u feel u are in a marriage by urself,it’s abandonment #ListenUp

Financial abandonment is common wt men,when d man does not pay any bills,he has abandoned u financially xpecially whn he spends. #ListenUp

Physical Abandonment is common wt women & they can carry on in their marriage like flat mates wt no sexual or physical touch #ListenUp.

While some men can abandon their wives for years searching for greener pastures, sometimes no calls for years. @kemiodutayo #ListenUp

In d case of abuse,you have physical, verbal, emotional etc, most women/ men have suffered this in their homes at various stage #ListenUp.

No form of abuse is good as damage done can traumatize the abused but I am totally against physical abuse @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp.

We hv all sorts of affairs;emotional,physical etc. In emotional affair, d person bonds emotionally wt some1 dts not their spouse #ListenUp.

They can talk non stop & share things they shld be sharing wt their spouse, if ds is not quickly checked, physical affair starts. #ListenUp

In this case, the man or woman starts sleeping wt some1 dts not their spouse. Both types of affairs are a betrayal of d marriage vows! #ListenUp

In all of this 3A; Abadonment, Abuse & Affairs,  you can choose to love and not leave your marriage and your home. @kemiodutayo

In all of this 3A; Abadonment, Abuse & Affairs, you can choose to love and not leave your marriage and your home. @kemiodutayo #ListenUp

I ask ds question & expect to know d reason why a guy has chosen d particular lady to b his wife& d girl agreed to his proposal #ListenUp.

I have found out from experience that it’s easy to leave , so your feelings come to play, loving and staying is a decision! #ListenUp

Your conviction is what will keep you going when those challenging times come in your marriage!

When d need comes to start asking urself why u got married to ur spouse then , it’s ur conviction that will keep you from leaving  #ListenUp

Absolutely! #ListenUp You need to be sure God is in it cos that’s what will keep you going when the going get tough!

The first question, I ask when I counsel soon to be / married people is? What is your conviction that this person is the one? #ListenUp.

Love is an action word & a decision, you choose to love, hold & cleave come rain or shine! @kemiodutayo; @gbonjute @ikasoe1 #ListenUp

Oh yea! Love is more than a feeling! #ListenUp

Love according to 1Cor13 suffers long, it does not behave itself unseemingly, it does not seek her own, it’s not easily provoked, #ListenUp

Love thinks no evil, it bears all things, believes all things and endures @kemiodutayo; @gbonjute @tosinpraise @ikasoe1 #ListenUp

#ListenUp Is there any situation where you are permitted to leave? Some cite infidelity as a reason

@kemi_odutayo yes ma Jesus Christ said Moses permitted divorce in d case of adultery bcos of d hardness of d heart. So u can 4give;b Married

Love wl make u overlook d glaring faults of ur spouse&help you take the decision to stay when you feel like leaving @kemiodutayo #ListenUp

Marriage is hard work but when u decide 2make t work, u wl do all u can 2love, stay;hv a beautiful marriage no mata d challenges #ListenUp

What is your challenge that is making you allow your feelings to make you leave instead of love? @kemi_odutayo @gbonjute @ikasoe1 #ListenUp

Whatever d issues,your decision to love, wl pay off at last if you are intentional about loving. @kemi_odutayo @gbonjute @ikasoe1 #ListenUp

@kemi_odutayo , it will take wisdom, patience, long suffering and prayers to get the other person to be interested to make it work.

@BridgetElesin What do u advice in a marriage where it seems only 1 if the parties is interested in making it work?

@kemi_odutayo , it will take wisdom, patience, long suffering and prayers to get the other person to be interested to make it work.

Marriage can b likened to d unity of d teeth&tongue!D teeth bites on d tongue&d tongue,wl taste tins dt will put d teeth on edge #ListenUp.

Yet, d teeth; tongue stl get along&help each other to taste & chew! It’s possible to work through your challenges @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

Lol! Nice analogy! But these ‘two’ has no choice. Should we assume marriage is like this as well? #ListenUp

First, identify what ur issues are, are you feeling abandoned? Abused or is your spouse having an affair? @kemi_odutayo @gbonjute #ListenUp

U need not blame yourself that you are d cause of ur spouse’s misbehavior. Every1’s reaction to things are personal decisions. #ListenUp.

When u start blaming yourself, u will not find the strength to keep loving as to love, starts from within @kemi_odutayo @gbonjute #ListenUp

Identify what the issues are, try to sit down with your spouse to talk it over and see how you can both work it out. @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

Choose to do right, if you are d woman, play your part as a wife. B nice to him despite what he is doing. @kemi_odutayo @gbonjute #ListenUp

I blive any1 in physically abusive marriage shld get professional counseling;separate if need b as only pple alive stay married. #ListenUp.

I hv had to chip ds in to help some1 in a physically abused marriage, I am not saying divorce! get help;let d abuser stay away. #ListenUp

I have seen too many senseless deaths in marriages and my counsel will be for those in this category to get help. @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

Always make sure your communication lines in your marriage are open. This will always help in any situation to make things better. #ListenUp

4 those dt hv confirmed, their spouses are cheating,kindly ask them to go for medical test, to be safe;use protection wn necessary #ListenUp

What ever d challenges,always look ur best, stay in God’s words;affirm yourself. Pray ur spouse up&trust God 2 turn things around. #ListenUp

These are wise words for the married! There is hope for that marriage. Don’t give up! Thanks so much @BridgetElesin

Get mentors, get people that will genuinely pray and encourage you to fight for your marriage and keep your home @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

Wow! Having another idea for another session on #ListenUp: How To Fight Fair In Marriage; the good fight of faith

If u want 2 remain married, u must keep d circle of friends dt believe in marriage God’s way, pple dt blive in staying&Fixn tins#ListenUp.

#Gbam! Preach it, sis! #ListenUp tweethearts

Let me wrap up by sharing how my husband &I do marriage. We agreed from start dt divorce was not part of our home. @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

So one of d discussions we had b4 getting married&in d early stage of our marriage was to practice advance forgiveness @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

We told ourselves, all d things that can make us go our separate ways and decided to forgive in advance. @kemiodutayo

Our parents as at the time we got married had been in their marriages for over 30years. So we told ourselves marriage was forever. #ListenUp

It’s not bn easy but we take our marriagevows serious, wt God’sHelp,we hv bn able 2love ourselves thru all kinds of marital issues #ListenUp

@BridgetElesin Even through infidelity? Can we say infidelity is not enough reason to divorce? Pls someone need to hear this! #ListenUp

@kemi_odutayo yes ma Jesus Christ said Moses permitted divorce in d case of adultery bcos of d hardness of d heart. So u can 4give and be Married

@BridgetElesin @kemi_odutayo and God’s grace is sufficient in this situation. Just ask Him for help and He’ll help you love #ListenUp

We also have marriage mentors we are accountable to,so when we have issues we can not easily resolve,we go sit&get wise counsel. #ListenUp.

We make sure we kp our communication lines open. Till date, we deliberately work on our marriage&talk abt everytin. @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

We kep a regular date night,get involved in doing things together&we keep friends dt believe in marriage.

I am sure in almost 12yrs of marriage,we hv both entertained d thots of leaving but d truth is, it’s not greener on d oda side! #ListenUp.

The land is green….yes, it is but definitely not greener on the other side! #ListenUp

The grass looks greener becos some1 has taken d time&pain to cultivate d garden on d other side. @kemi_odutayo, @gbonjute @ikasoe1 #ListenUp

Hehehe! ‘Looks’ being the operative word. Someone is tending hers, won’t you tend yours? #ListenUp

Cultivate your own garden, manure it, weed it &care 4 it, as u do so, you wl see reasons to love even when you feel like leaving. #ListenUp

You must put in the work to make your marriage what you and your spouse desires. @kemi_odutayo @gbonjute @tosinpraise @ikasoe1 #ListenUp

U desire love, give love, u desire better sex life, make d effort to spice things up in d bedroom, Love & submit to one another. #ListenUp

Learn to pray 4 ur spouse& with them. I have found out d more u pray 4 yourselves, u start seeing each other with d eyes of God. #ListenUp

#ListenUp In other words, seeing each other tru God’s eyes wil curb D idea of leaving anytime something goes wrong

Speak what u want 2 see, if unfaithful, call faithful, if mean, call sweet names. What ever u call ur spouse is what they wl bcom #ListenUp

Wow!Time flies, so much 2say, but I trust, some1 has learnt dt you must play your part in making your marriagework. @kemi_odutayo #ListenUp

@BridgetElesin Yes, I definitely learn a thing or 2. 4every marriage dat is working, a lot of work has been invested by D parties #ListenUp

@kemi_odutayo , sister, marriage is not a walk through d park, I laugh when I see pple investing more in weddings.We went thru 4 counsellors

#ListenUp Yes o! Your MARRIAGE is by far of more importance than your WEDDING! So, invest time and money accordingly
@kemiodutayo,we read books, we stl go 4 seminars&take notes+we take deliberate actions to safeguard our marriage! Marriage no b beans! Lol

#ListenUp “Marriage no be beans o!” ~ @BridgetElesin So, let’s get ready and work at it!

Keep loving&cleaving, and you will see that leaving will be far from your mind!  @kemi_odutayo @gbonjute @tosinpraise @ikasoe1 #ListenUp

@BridgetElesin Thank you so so much! These are inspiring words that need to be reflected on. Its an honor having you on #ListenUp

Thanks again @kemi_odutayo 4 d opportunity to share and i am happy  with the rain that my network connection did not go off! lol #ListenUp

@BridgetElesin I am happy too o! The network was really on our side. Like l! Once again, i appreciate you!
Today’s session on #ListenUp was simply a ‘wow’! @BridgetElesin left us with a lot of tweets(food) for thought!

@kemi_odutayo to God be all the glory ma! I honor and appreciate you always.
Wow! Profound words from @BridgetElesin. I believe God will use these words of hers to bring about a transformation in our lives and homes! Watch out for the MAY EDITION of #ListenUp. It promises to be a blockbuster! Stay blessed!

About Kemi Odutayo

‘Kemi Odutayo, a graduate of University of Lagos, Nigeria is a Practitioner of NLP, a blogger, an author, a counselor and a media consultant. She is the Head of Operations, Me4 Communications, a publishing, marketing and communications outfit specializing in publishing books/eBooks, managing and offering training for social media accounts for individuals and organizations. Kemi and her husband of many years, Kayode Odutayo have a beautiful family blessed with three lovely children.